Like A Child
Feb. 18th, 2011 10:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
It seems our authenticity is tied to what is de-pressed and what is ex-pressed. Just as flowers need healthy root systems in order to blossom, feelings can only express their beauty when they are rooted cleanly within us, breaking ground in some manner, sprouting outside us. It is that delicate paradoxical inch of ground between surface and deep, between flower and root, between what is allowed out and what is allowed in, that continually determines whether we are living our lives or not.
I try... I do.
Anyone following the entries in this journal will know the reason why I have been finding expressing feelings such a struggle - a daily struggle that I am working on. constant instances of 're'-pression. (How's that for continuing a theme?) Now what I find is that battling reluctance and leaning on trust makes the expression come out all muddled, and I end up frustrated, and that doesn't help either.
It should be so easy right? 'I feel x because...' easy enough to type; should be easy to say, but what am I looking for in a response. Rationalisation? Understanding? Acceptance? Compassion? I don't know. Sometimes I think all of these things, sometimes I think none of them at all... and sometimes, when I'm at my very low, low, lowest ebb, it really does become a case - a very childish and selfish case - of, 'See what you did? I'm feeling like this because you...' and that doesn't make me feel very proud of or accepting of my own efforts to express myself at all. I try to make sure such episodes are few and far between.
But maybe even that is some kind of cry for help?
What is not ex-pressed is de-pressed.
It seems our authenticity is tied to what is de-pressed and what is ex-pressed. Just as flowers need healthy root systems in order to blossom, feelings can only express their beauty when they are rooted cleanly within us, breaking ground in some manner, sprouting outside us. It is that delicate paradoxical inch of ground between surface and deep, between flower and root, between what is allowed out and what is allowed in, that continually determines whether we are living our lives or not.
I try... I do.
Anyone following the entries in this journal will know the reason why I have been finding expressing feelings such a struggle - a daily struggle that I am working on. constant instances of 're'-pression. (How's that for continuing a theme?) Now what I find is that battling reluctance and leaning on trust makes the expression come out all muddled, and I end up frustrated, and that doesn't help either.
It should be so easy right? 'I feel x because...' easy enough to type; should be easy to say, but what am I looking for in a response. Rationalisation? Understanding? Acceptance? Compassion? I don't know. Sometimes I think all of these things, sometimes I think none of them at all... and sometimes, when I'm at my very low, low, lowest ebb, it really does become a case - a very childish and selfish case - of, 'See what you did? I'm feeling like this because you...' and that doesn't make me feel very proud of or accepting of my own efforts to express myself at all. I try to make sure such episodes are few and far between.
But maybe even that is some kind of cry for help?
