cedar_grove: (Storm)
I have spent several weeks in contemplation of when, for me, the new year should begin, or perhaps has already begun. I tell myself this, and not that it is procrastination against the beginning of an undertaking, or perhaps the opposite, a wish for a precipitous beginning of said undertaking. The fact remains, I have questioned, and still question when a new year begins for an individual. When does it begin for me?


As a Wiccan, should my new year have begun in November, as Samhain passed us into the gathering season of winter, or did my new year begin almost a month later with the start of a journey that has led me to the threshold upon which I now stand – or may even have unknowingly passed beyond already? Did my personal new year begin as a new year of my life began with my birthday on December 11th or with the new solar year, and returning light at Yule? Or should I simply do as most folk seem to do and say my new undertaking will begin with the new calendar year as 2016 gives way to 2017?


There are so many conventions that we follow, cultural and religious, and some that fall into both categories. The notion of the ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ have never appealed to me, and not just because many (if not most of the people I personally know) give up on those resolutions soon after making them – myself included in the past. Perhaps that’s why, through this soul searching, I have shied away from that option, and why I questioned in the first place.


Through my introspection, not just of recent days, but of many months, perhaps even years – and extrospection (though Google tells me that even though technically this is the anonym of introspection, it is rarely used), I have discovered a thing or two. This is the point at which I feel I must type the disclaimer that, if you think this part of my journal entry is about you, well… that’s your prerogative, I suppose, but this is my journal, and these are my observations. However, as the saying goes, if the cap fits… or the shoe fits, then… be Cinderella if you must.


There are too many people out there who can’t, or perhaps worse, refuse to see past the end of their own garden path. Such people trap themselves in their own misery, and as prisoners lash out at those around them, transferring their misery and negativity to people who are merely trying to help them realize their own state of being. I’ve been an enabler of such behaviors for the sake of a quiet life, because the gods know that when I’ve tried to do otherwise, all holy hell has broken loose.


Loyalty, like charity, must begin at home. Blind loyalty to other people or beliefs or any other thing that one can be loyal to is often self-destructive. Loyalty to someone or something that reinforces or promotes self-deprecation or a negative self-image, no matter who or what that someone or something is; what part that person or something else plays in your life, is an act of cowardice, not loyalty, and ultimately damaging for you and for others in your life.  As with love, if you cannot love yourself, you cannot properly love others – if you cannot be loyal to yourself, then your loyalty to others is misguided at best.


Ignoring the wise words of good friends and loved ones is just plain stupid and can only lead to trouble and pain. You might think your reasons for arguing the point (inwardly or outwardly) are good and valid reasons, but experience and hindsight will always come around like a two-headed dog to bite you on the ass. When that happens, you know the people that had your best interests at heart when they spoke the advice because, while they might remind you of what they said, they’ll never say, “I told you so,” and will just be there in quiet support while you find your feet after being knocked on your smarting backside.


There’s great sadness in the realization that sometimes, people will – by their own thoughts and actions – disqualify themselves from certain parts they have played in your life, and you can fight and flail all you like to keep them there because you want them there, but if that want isn’t truly and unconditionally matched, there’s little you can do but create a negative and toxic situation for the both of you that is ultimately damaging. Conversely, people can sometimes surprise you. When you least expect it, with a single word, or a short message, people you might have once been close to, that you didn’t even realize you missed, can give you a boost when you’re at your lowest ebb, and remind you that they’re still there.


In all of the above, I’m drawn to, and feel the need to also share a story that was given to me as a ‘lesson’ by one of those wise friends many, many years ago - a wonderful man by the name of Alawn Tickhill - who told me the Story of the Sparrow – and you can find it here.


So… anyway, the conclusion I came to, is that really and ultimately, when and why I start the undertaking is entirely up to me. Also, it’s no big secret what the undertaking is.  It’s just that I’ve been wanting to do more journal writing for a very long time now, and I thought, well, with a new year, it might be time to start this journaling journey.  I’d like to say I’ll write every day. Even though that might be my intent, I know that sometimes life is going to get in the way. I also know that’s perfectly fine.


What I write, how often I write, and why I write – well, those things are my prerogative and my responsibility too.
cedar_grove: (Work In Progress)
This is kind of backwards to the entry you see below, but I didn't want to backdate this and have it missing from my friends' friend pages.

Anyway, [livejournal.com profile] mirrani was home because of the ice and watching GMA they showed this book.


The Book of Awakening:Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.


It's a book that has a thought for each day... a poem, or a meditation, or a piece of writing that you can think about, work with, use as a prompt for your own meditations or writings - however you'd like.

Mir explains that much better than I can in her entry here

Then there are little activities or exercises that follow each day's entry in the book that you can do to to continue the thought for the day by yourself... add to it, or internalise it... however you want to use it.

Mir invited me to work with her as she uses the book for her LJ entries and I am happy to say that I'm excited to do that. So Distance is the first of my responses to what was written in the book.

If anyone would like to join the two of us, I'm sure if you read the quotation at the beginning of either of our entries, you can get the gist of it, and even if you don't buy the book for yourself, (and I can recommend it as being pretty awesome actually), we can help you if you get in touch with us.

Happy reading.
cedar_grove: (Dawning)
So... um...

The Kitchen:
Those that don't know yet, we're having the kitchen remodelled - or rather it's mostly 'have had' by now, since most of it is done. Monday was a bit of a disaster, having no stopcock and pulling out all the plumbing don't really go together. So Monday was the Flood-in-the-kitchen day. After that, things seem to go okay, though Dad changed the type of door that was going on the pantry, which has kind of upset Mum, because it doesn't 'match' the rest of the kitchen any more - not the same kind of shiney as the cabinets. I think it'll all be okay in the end though. They still have to come back on Monday to put in the rest of the plumbing (new sink, dish washer and washing machine), and to do the tiling, but for the most part, we have the kitchen. I'll take pictures when it's /truly/ finished.

Work:
Working in a Catholic School, everything stops for Christmas, right? And Christmas came /really/ early this year, because the local paper were running a school choir competition. So for weeks now it's been very little bit Christmas. You can have too much of a good thing. Also, the epidemic continues, people dropping left and right - and that's just the kids. Friday there were so few teachers that I ended up with 7 children that were not my own, so I was teaching not only Year 5 (4th Grade), but also Years 4 and 6 as well. (3rd and 5th - gotta love the differences in school ages!)

Me:
Been /tired/. Very tired. I still am, but I'm trying to take things easy, pace myself, and going to have to exercise some self discipline and actually try to get to bed a little more 'on time' in the coming weeks. Only two more until it's the vacation though. Still - must be good, (or at the very least, better). The 'winter' feeling is still there a little bit, though it's not so bad as it was.

LJ:
Okay, not that I'm tired of the butterflies, I like them and all, but I have been wanting to change my LJ for a long time now, I just can't find anything I really like. I wish I knew how to create my own style - I mean I know that [livejournal.com profile] sasusc helped me out a little bit there, but I've been too chicken to try it, LOL. But by the end of this weekend, I want to have found something that I like... and change that around for a bit.
cedar_grove: (Yule)
I include it here because of the last few lines on the song. As if one Stargate Atlantis was not enough. LOL

On the twelfth day of Christmas, cedargrove sent to me...
Twelve lilgreendaves drumming
Eleven agrajags piping
Ten kyradervlas a-leaping
Nine bridds dancing
Eight holstencats a-milking
Seven vegawriters a-writing
Six sasuscs a-reading
Five ange-e-e-els
Four languages
Three dragons
Two stargate atlantis
...and an education in a mummy.
Get your own Twelve Days:
cedar_grove: (Ghostly)
I'm working away... I have a to do list, and still a few hours before I have to go to bed... I know the entries for the last couple of days have been a little light, thin on the detail and kind of... half hearted, but I've been busy. Truly I have.

All I can say - normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. :)
cedar_grove: (Camel)
Well... they will be when I get them sorted enough to actually 'put them down' so to speak... so I guess watch this space...

I seriously need to get back to my napping...
cedar_grove: (Eirian in silver 1)
You know those days when you get to a point and go... no more, I just need to chill, I need a moment... I need to take stock. It's been a long week, I wasn't well, I kept going and going and going, and now I'm just - brain freeze... in need of mindlessness for a moment or two.

I'm here, I'm alive and kicking, but today, I think is for that time of gathering myself up again. I'm just... "plain ole tucker'd out."

Another baby... clicky please. Adopt one today!
cedar_grove: (Eirian cheeky)
Adopt one today!

Firstly, please click my little eggie - I don't want to lose this one. Maybe seems that I'm not advertising them enough.

Secondly, today... school meeting - very boring meeting of Language Arts Coordinators.

Thirdly, I'm sleepy, so... night night.
cedar_grove: (stop)
Posted:I had a panic... couldn't get to LJ, and was very busy doing some stuff... I'll edit this later to say what.

Now for the Edit - Two minutes to midnight, I finally managed to get my browser to realise it /was/ connected to the internet and the Livejournal /did/ work. So as promised, here is what I was doing that almost made me miss my posting for the day.

I was very busy working on this post for [livejournal.com profile] stargate_blog, (and I hope [livejournal.com profile] trekwriter won't mind me shamelessly advertising the community), which is a community for writers of characters from the various Stargate Incarnations. Kudos to everyone who is a part of that community actually - they are all excellent writers... very worthy of a read. If you're interested in being a part of it there are still many characters not accounted for and I'm sure we'd all be happy to have you aboard.

I sat down and tried to figure out who, of the major and/or reccuring characters not represented and I came up with the following list. I'm sure it's not exhaustive: Sam Carter, Ronon Dex, Richard Woolsey, Evan Lorne, Radek Zelenka, Teal'c, Jennifer Keller, Carson Beckett, Steven Caldwell... and any of the SG1 nasties/villains, Baal maybe? Anyway, check it out... really...

While on the subject of such communities, (more shameless advertising here), there's also [livejournal.com profile] trek_blog and [livejournal.com profile] firefly_blog Check the profile pages for details of how to become involved in these communities.

Further Edit Woohoo - as of today we have a Teal'C.

Also - click please - Adopt one today!
cedar_grove: (Eirian in silver 1)
Sometimes when you keep going too long instead of taking care of yourself in the first place, you end up where I am now, sicker than you should be, even after taking care of yourself, and taking longer to get better.

I hate being sick - hate the wooly feeling of not being entirely focussed. I struggled - am still struggling to get planning done for class, and just... feel like I've had my head in a tin can full of cotton balls. And tomorrow is Monday.
cedar_grove: (Eirian cheeky)
Soon enough there won't even be a /floor/ in the kitchen to stand on...

Nope this was not going to be the post for today, but... still can't post what I was planning to post, but that will be forthcoming, I promise.

Mum's been busy 'gutting' the kitchen ready for the workmen to come in on December 1st and start the rebuilding of it. Everything's going into boxes... glasses, cups, plates... it's starting to feel a little bit weird. I mean it will be good when it's done, but...

Big surprise today to see Alexander Siddig on Merlin. I don't know why it should have been, it just was. Of course he was playing a bad guy and got well and truly whumped, but yeah, weird to see him.

Word has it that Jason Momoa is doing okay and is in good spirits - which is good to hear. Those of you that are not sure what I'm talking about try gateworld.net - I'm sure the story is posted there...

Okay... gotta run...
cedar_grove: (Work posts)
So the kids all got off on their visit okay this morning, with the 4 members of staff that have to be with them 24/7 for the next few days, at the outdoor activity residential. Meanwhile, those few left behind are looking forward to three days of bizarre activities and talent shows and other stuff that's technically 'outside' of the curriculum. Happens every year at this time... the kids love it. That's a good thing.
cedar_grove: (Empathy)
But before I go, (later than I'd anticipated anyway), I just wanted to make a post for today. There's been more evolution in the ongoing series of stories, Mutation, evolution, whatever you want to call it, is always something that keeps a writer on his or her toes... anyway, folks should be looking out for an OC that's going to stir up a bit of a hornets nest, and here, under the cut, is something for those people 'rooting' for Todd/Vega. It's not as good as I'd hoped, because I did it in a rush, but... enjoy...

Wraith At My Shoulder )
cedar_grove: (stargate)
This will probably be a short post for now. I do have something else planned, but I think it's going to have to wait until later in the week.

One of the things that I didn't say about this whole, 'Performance at the Curve' thing, was this. You know that scene in The Prodigal where Sheppard and McKay are climbing all those flights of stairs and McKay is all like... hot and tired out and stuff...? That was me. The rehearsal room they put us in (basically used it like the kids 'dressing room' or something - a 'holding room' I think they called it) was /right/ at the top of the theatre, and although there were lifts (elevators), we were not allowed to use them, so we had to take the stairs. 8 flights later... and I'm thinking - geez, I know how McKay feels. LOL

If you ask me - LJ didn't really think this move through very well. They /know/ that many people must be doing the NaBloPoMo thing... and so /now/ I have to stay up until gone midnight, just to make a post for tomorrow, in case it takes them more than 4 hours to do the move... because when you figure in the time different, 8am PST is like... 4pm GMT, add 4 hours to that and you're already at 8pm GMT, and if it takes longer than their four hour estimate, we're basically screwed here in the UK... "...unless of course you send over the gas." I mean... unless of course you happen to not work during the daytime, or have access to LJ during the daytime - and thanks to EMBC filters, I can never be sure of that. Sometimes I can access LJ from school, somtimes I can't... so I don't want to risk it.

Midnight, here I come!
cedar_grove: (Bites)
Why is it that when you get workmen in to do a job they always screw up something else? They unplugged the modem so that they could plug in their radio... to have music... and maybe the power tools they were using, though I didn't see much evidence of that when I went in to find out why my computer wouldn't connect to the internet...

Finally they buggered off, I turned on the modem, /nothing/. It sat there telling me it was receiving downstream communication, but two way...? Nope. Was it ready even... Nope.

Half an hour, it took, for the damn modem to reinitialise itself. Half an hour! On Monday they better plug in some place else, or I'm going to plug something else in on /them!/ I should stay calm. It's Friday, the week is done. One week closer to Christmas vacation. *sighs*

Second performance is today... so I'll be leaving soon to go to the theatre... won't be home until about 10pm - oh well.
cedar_grove: (Eirian cheeky)
Over the last couple of days a serious, major mutation seems to have occurred in the outline for the series of stories. Not that I mind particularly, just... *shrug*

I guess you could consider this the entry for today... I'm not really up to typing much else.

The new windows at the house get installed tomorrow apparently. Yeah, first /I/ knew about it as well... I knew we were having a new kitchen - that's coming in December - but didn't know about the windows. I guess it makes sense, since they're replacing the kitchen windows too... but yeah - nice to know these things.

I'm really glad it's almost Friday. It's been a long week. Performance number 2 is in the evening, which means my schedule will be a little messed up... but at least it's the weekend... and at least 2 people from Work have offered to come along and help me watch the children, which is a weight off my mind. It's not so much while we're in the room or on the stage, but more the giving back to parents at the end... when there are 120 kids and parents all trying to do the same thing, just... scary. Least now there are three of them to not lose them.

Happy to be involved, but I'll be glad when it's over.
cedar_grove: (Eirian with a smile)
Was today, and boy what a performance - it was fantastic. Great fun, kids had a blast. We were in the local newspaper on Tuesday evening, and there is a photograph in the following online version, but it's so small you can't really see anything at all. But anyway....

This is what my kids and I are up to.
cedar_grove: (DK Posts)
No, seriously, you're not going crazy... it /is/ the same subject as yesterday. Today was another dress rehearsal at the Curve. This time, at least the first time we ran through it, it really was a dress - But... then they told us that later the same day, we'd be doing it again, this time in front of an invited audience.

Today was media day... pictures and newspaper interview and such. Rightly, they concentrated on talking to the children and not to the teachers. Sharon D. Clarke is /awesome/ I have to say... I mean, all of the Kaine Gopsel Choir are amazing anyway, but to have her singing with them... it's actually quite something special.

So yeah - great time. I have now officially performed at the new theatre... and where is my Stoneygate Preppie? Ha!
cedar_grove: (Camel)
It was long, and for the kids it was really boring, so I think they behaved really well. Today was what we had been told was the dress rehearsal for the opening festival of our new local theatre...

Turns out it was the technical rehearsal - big difference, and of course none of the children understood why they had to be hanging around so long... and there were better things I could have been doing with my time.

Still it's done now... and this time next week it will all be finished with.
cedar_grove: (Work In Progress)
So, I'm sitting here with three scenes left to write in act one of Mantle, at least two of which I know are going to be short, and I'm procrastinating. I know it's good to take a break every now and then, but I really want to get this first act of the story written before 9 Eastern. Yeah, that gives me about five hours to play with, I know. Why am I worrying.

My day today was reasonable, I suppose... the main event being that every year group (grade) in the school where I work was recording one carol for a Christmas CD the school will be releasing this year - oh, only to the parents and other relatives, but still, it's a nice idea - except that it meant that, at only the beginning of November, there we were singing Christmas Carols. I was /so/ tempted to download the lyrics from one of the Twisted Christmas album (that I still haven't heard), and get them to sing that - but that would have gone down like the proverbial lead balloon.

Speaking of singing - first dress rehearsal for the opening of the Curve theatre is on Sunday evening. And I'm interested to see how it all sounds and comes together. So far we've all been practising our own parts separately from each other. Haven't met Ms Clarke yet - or the rest of the gospel choir. LOL Should be interesting.

Saw a brief clippie from 11th Hour - looked quite interesting... had the kind of script style that I like. Wonder if that show will jump the pond. Either way I can already hear certain people sharpening their fan-fic pencils. (I, however, have quite enough on my plate right now).

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