Welcome To the Cedar Grove

First I pray to Gaia, earth herself,
primal prophetess, the one who speaks
the hidden truths; then I call upon
earth's daughter Themis, for justice
sits upon her mother's throne;
these names are the vestibule of prayer
for me, the entry to the sacred realm.
Then I call upon Athena, for I will
need her wisdom; and the Muses,
for I need their eloquence. Divine
women, all of them, I invoke them
as I rise into my strength and power.

--Greek dramatist Aeschylus

Each day has its own challenges as well as its own potential treasures.

Friends are probably the biggest of treasures to find in each day. I have been lucky enough to find a small core of individuals with whom I feel comfortable, whose friendship, concern and hospitality far outshines that of many people that I've met in a long time. You know that there are people whom you know that you will get along with from the moment you meet them.

It was like this when I met Robin and Gina, and Rich and Meghan and Kira, and Girl Bob - a few others in NC, but those are the ones that stand out the most.

Online friends whom I have only known online that I could list would include Joy, Mikki, Elaine and Seramercury, though that is by no means the extent of the list. And those that I have since met, of course Gaile stands out as being one of the strongest.

And here in Egypt a few, a very few - Mark being one, and Sarah, who seems to have adopted me into her family, as the other. The circle is growing, but slowly, and I hope after I leave here, I'll be able to keep in touch with these people.

I think if it wasn't for friends, all of these and more, the challenges would be far too great and would drag me down. I wouldn't cope. I'm strong, but not that strong. I know there will be people out there that will tell me that's rubbish, and that I'm stronger than I think, but I know my limitations, and I know where I fall down - the challenges I need to work on meeting, I suppose, but until I have, there are times when I'm not as strong as I could be. I guess.

Dealing with money issues is one such area. I hate it, I'm hopeless with it. I don't like to talk about it, I deal with it only because I have to. It's a constant challenge in my life. I would be quite happy if I had some kind of cosmic accountant that would take care of all of that for me, but of course life isn't like that. Imagine then, my horror at discovering that my carefully planned and carefully budgeted plan for what would happen after Christmas being destroyed in an instant by the ATM telling me that I had no money, when I knew I should have at least 2300LE. Oh, it was a problem easily solved - a clerical error at school that was fixed the following day, actually to my benefit, but those 24 hours or however long it was until I had the money in my hand were a very challenging time for me. I had to speak of it... I had to explain it... I had to wonder what on earth I was going to do in case I turned out to be wrong and I wasn't going to get it. For the beginning of a year, it was not the start I would have wanted. But maybe this was the universes way of making me face my issues, perhaps. I thought of that just as I am typing this up - the consciousness stream open to additional thoughts, of which that was one. Certainly since then I have resolved in myself to try not to be so hopeless and 'British' and staid when it comes to talking over the issues, which I know will make some people breathe a sigh of relief. I know it drives Mir mad that it's like pulling teeth to get me to talk about these things. Like with everything else, it's not going to happen overnight, but I'm working on it. I just need gentle (note, please Universe, I said gentle), encouragement.

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

Rather the flying bird, leaving no trace, than the going beast, marking the earth.
--Fernando Pessoa

…feelings of oneness grace us only when we verify the life around us. It makes us desperate to be loved, when we sorely need the medicine of being loving.

… find our place in the beauty of things by the attention we can give.

I know I'm very behind on these, the truth is, I had to stop and look inward, and then just open out again. Sounds very froo-froo, I know, but I can't find any other way to put it.

So, this weekend, Mir and I finally made the decision as to where we're going to stay in Vegas this year. We decided on /both/ hotels, in a combination that would give us what we wanted, and also make our life easier while the convention is going on. We're taking 'the risk' to try something new – staying at the Rio, (the con hotel), for the first two night of our vacation, and then moving to the Luxor – for our own personal romantic vacation, that we always love to share for the second two nights. I'm looking forward to being able to do all of those things that we didn't before – that makes little sense, I know – but I will, anyway…

Giving attention has been a blessing of both giving of love, and saving of self today – though the latter not so much for the worry it's caused – I woke up early today because I needed to walk to the ATM to get money for the bus. I get a weekly ticket, it's slightly cheaper than buying one every day. I looked at the receipt from the ATM and discovered that there was indeed money missing from my bank account… a substantial amount of money. I couldn't call the bank until they opened, by which time I was teaching, so it had to wait until 10am, and then they wanted to know why I left it so late – um… hello, I was teaching… anyway, yes, the money was missing from my account, yes they stopped my card and ordered an emergency replacement for me… yes it could take them up to 60 days or more to replace the money in my account – which isn't very helpful to me /at/ all. The only positive in this, I suppose, is that with all the troubles, my bank has processes for these things, and has promised to replace any money unlawfully taken from me… eventually.

That dealt with as much as I could for today, my heart turned back to the support and love for my guy, who started at her new school today. Lunch time arrived, and as soon as I got rid of the munchkins into the dining hall, I grabbed my cell phone and sent her a text message, of my hopes for a good first day. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her. I spent most of the afternoon wondering how it was going, sending good vibes, trying to be as 'with' her as I could. I got to speak to her on her lunch break, and it was so good to hear her voice, even though the news we were sharing was not the kind of news we would both have wanted to share, just… hearing her voice was /everything/.