Welcome To the Cedar Grove

 Oh, wait... I know what happened... it was a full moon. OMFG. Talk about a totally crazy out of control day where I got nothing done, and kept getting interrupted even at that! Speaking of full moons... leave it to the weather to make it so that there was no chance of actually /seeing/ the last supermoon of 2019.

Annoyance of the day: Someone dumped a load of... well I don't know what they are, but it's trash, on our road, and my dogs keep trying to eat it. I'm /really/ mad about it. I'm going to have to go out and clean it up /before/ I can walk the dogs again, because gods know what it is, and I don't want them getting sick from it. People are just so damned inconsiderate!

 The morning was filled with trying to be patient and accepting. Church is 'redoing' the nursery to make it more appealing to the little ones and their families, and that meant that the children's minister was in the room most of the time. I have expressed before that I have... no, I am uncomfortable with the energies the woman gives off. So there was that... Then the sad news in the afternoon, news I was expecting, but not ready for, and in the end, it just made for a sorrowful day.

Summer! Summer! The cow's mild milk
and the goddess with summer within her,
and the yellow summer, and the white daisies,
and the goddess with summer within her.

--Irish May Day song

No longer the maiden, she is now the blooming young mother, giving birth to her innumerable children.

No longer the maiden...

Maiden, Mother, crone... White, Red, Black.. Green, Gold, White...

I remember, a time ago now, when there was great debate among the pagan communities and circles in which I moved, about which were the appropriate colours to represent the goddess in her various aspects. Those that argued against white for the maiden claimed that it supported the Christian view of a maiden as a pure (as in virginal) state of being, rather than an independent young woman, who is nubile and fertile, as seen in the green of the GGW crowd. It was a debate that raged at many meetings, sometimes literally... and looking back was really quite funny and worrying, both at the same time.

Funny, because, well... what a thing to worry about - you as a practitioner, use whatever colours work for you no matter what the reason. You use whatever speaks to your heart. And worrying because, well, if we get bogged down arguing about such things and trying to impose our will (of colours) on others, does that not paint us with the same brush as other religions whose 'one way' is the 'only/right way'?

For me, I have used (and sometimes still do use) both. I was taugt to use White, Red, Black, because... well that's what I was taught and I was young enough in the Craefte not to know anything to use as an alternative. Then I was introduced to the idea or Green, Gold, White... and I liked it... it worked for me. It spoke to my heart, because of my association with the goddess' fouth face. I figured if I was going to have a colour for the three main aspects of the goddess, then I wanted one for the Fourth Face of the Lady also... for which I chose Midnight Blue.

I can almost hear people asking, why not black... black would seem appropriate - the dark of the moon, when we cannot see her face but feel her influence in our blood, and bodies... Mistress of Magic. For me, black is absence... absence of light... it is empty (in spite of being what you get if you mix all pigments together), and the Lady is never that. But there is a certain darkness - a mystery - like the sky at Midnight that draws us to the Lady in her Fourth Aspect... and that is why I chose the Midnight Blue.

As I always have, I took what spoke, and speaks to the wisom inside my heart, and used what feels right as my signs and symbols. It is, I believe, called eclecticism... and I'm nothing if not eclectic.

When in my turn I dance in your power
Aida Wedo se bon se bon
When inmy dance I turn to your power
Aida Wedo se bon se bon
When in my turn I enter your trance
Aida Wedo se bon se bon
Then I will see who will smile tomorrow
Aida Wedo se bon se bon
Then I will see who will cry tomorrow
Aida Wedo se bon se bon
Then I will see who will die tomorrow
Aida Wedo se bon se bon

--Haitian voudoun song to the goddess

The great force of the feminine acts through us, whether we desire it or not. Embracing that knowledge will not change us into someone else. It will simply let us become more truly ourselves.

I know this is true, and this is one of the reasons that I am working so hard to find my path again. There are days when I find it easier to embrace the truth of that than others. I'm all too often a shrinking violet, which is not at all a divine feminine trait, and this makes me wonder just how it is that the goddess can be working through me at such times. I cannot think of any goddess of any pantheon who could be described as such.

Is my own perception of myself then flawed? Should I be thinking not in term that are negatively passive and week, but suggesting perhaps that I am bending like the willow in order to avoid snapping like the oak, at those times when I do not stand up for myself quite as I should. How can I reconcile the way I judge myself, and the knowledge that the divine feminine works through me?

There are other times when I do feel the goddess at work in me and through me. Times when I feel I am being particularly strong, or times when I am being particularly maternal or loving. These are the stereotypical images of the Great Mother though, and I would hate to think that my own perception of Her has been reduced to such a narrow, shallow focus. She is and always will be such a rich tapestry of different strengths and intelligences, of many influences. Intellectually I know this - notI need to recognise those things in my heart.

This is how nature, our mother, acts toward us.
First, she gives us life. And then, as though
that were not miracle enough, she revives us
daily, bringing us back to life each dawn, just as
she brought us into life that first time.
Then she gives us food, enough to sustain
ourselves throughout our days. And finally,
when we have filled our days with her kindness,
she takes us back into herself, we fall back
into her deep womb, safe in her sacred darknesses.

--Roman prayer to the earth, third century CE

Living with awareness of how near death stands is neither morbid nor terrifying. Rather it deepens our love, for we recognise how fragile we all are, how soon we will all be gone, passing like weather across the face of a spring-green mountain.

I loved the imagery in the quote from the text... the weather passing over the face of a spring-green mountain...

Such is the impermanent nature of our lives, really - of any life - what is a couple of years, a decade or so... even a hundred years in the face of eternity? And yet, our very impermanence is that which has the power to kindle our love, to deepen it and give it meaning beyond the shallow daily tread of our lives.

I know that I shall one day die... therefore I wish to spend my life living, not just existing. I know that the same is true of the one I love, so I wish to share that living with my husband, sharing all that we can, whenever we can... and however we can.

I'm certain people reading that are doing so and seeing desperation in the words; the need to squeeze every last drop of together time into those occasions when we are together. And yes, it used to be that way - and there was a tremendous amount of stress and misery because of it. Until this meditation I didn't realise quote how much. Yet - sitting here, with the veil lifted from my eyes as often is the case in meditations I realise that each and every moment that we are together is already special and sacred to the two of us. We don't need to cram it full of artificial 'togetherness' and I feel like such a shallow fool for not understanding and accepting this before. I have done us both such a disservice by hanging on to that attitude: must be together, must go together, must stay awake...

Oh it's all a very spiritual realisation - now I need to make sure the emotional self accepts it. Such is the dichotomy of life.

I built a house
for the goddess
made of wood
of the sycamore tree

Under the leaves
of the palm tree
I eat bread
in honour of her

Hathor, hawk
of the sky,
rest in the limbs
of my tree

Hathor, house
of the sun,
live in my house
forever

--Egyptian inscription and Book of the Dead

Every action is a prayer to the goddess. When we make a simple dinner, when we look fondly on a friend, when we light a candle, when we touch a lover - all these can be rituals to the goddess. All we need is consciousness.

Since I have often meditated and indeed commented on this particular truism, I would take it one step further and suggest that if you live a spiritual life, if youlive truly in the balance of the physical and spiritual, then each and every breath is a prayer, not only to the goddess, but to all life, all creation.

Each breath estabilishes and strengthen you connection with the universal energies, and with the life around you, of which you are a part... of which each of us partake from the moment the spark of our soul is born until our soul achieves final one-ness with the Universe/divine. Through many lifetimes, through many experiences, each breath deepens us, enlivens us, expands us and links our consciousness with that of others.

Try using it a mantra - with each breath you take as part of your meditation, "One breath" I'd be interested to hear of your experiences if you do... as I hope to share mine.