Connections

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

Everything in the Universe is interconnected.
Within each it is reflected.
-Lourdes Pita

It seems that we humans have always been drawn to find ourselves in the life about us. But too often, in doing so we break everything down until everything resembles us. Too often, though we seldom mean to, we take in life the way we do food, chewing it into unrecognizable bits that need to be swallowed. But the kind of food that living offers must be taken in whole, as it is, or it loses its wisdom and power and grace.

Is it human arrogance that makes this all happen... or universal-child self-centeredness? Or is it just a matter of focus, and an inability to step away, just embrace the pain of living and revel in its beauty.

Take for example when we have something 'going on' in our lives. We turn on the radio, and every song we hear is about us/what's going on. We turn on the TV and every show we see is about us/what's going on...

I've been there myself. I'm not immune. Wouldn't claim to be better than anyone and able to do what we all, at times, cannot.

We do this for others too: this whole notion of 'we hate in others what we despise in ourselves.' We notice far more the negative traits in people that we either consciously or unconsciously know is a 'fault' in ourselves.

I do that too. For example: can't multi-task, and hate that I can't, because it means that there's so much that I can never get done or catch up on... because I'm took conscious that I'll be keeping other people waiting while I - say - finish editing a sentence or putting down a graphic... or upgrading a building in my city in a game that I'm playing. But where that differs slightly is that I hate it in myself because it causes conflict if I try to do it... whereas, in others I'll give forgive - or tollerate and wait. Only when I'm castigated for doing what others have been doing to me does my universal-child stamp her foot and cry "IT'S NOT FAIR."

I don't ever say anything though... for reasons wherein hang another tale.

Sometimes I wonder to myself which is better - to bend like a reed in the wind, or to stand up to the wind like a mighty oak?

Walking On An Ocean of Feelings

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

Once a man was about to cross the sea. A wise man tried a leaf in a corner of his robe and said to him: "Don't be afraid. Have faith and walk on the water. But look here-the moment you lose faith you will drown."
-Sri Ramakarishna

We can learn from the leaves that ducks swim around. In life as in water, when we curl up or flail we sink. When we spread and go still, we are carried by the largest sea of all: the sea of grace that flows steadily beneath the turmoil of events. And just as fish can't see the ocean they live in, we can't quite see the spirit that sustains us.

Again and again, the onset of pain makes us clutch and sink. But life has taught me that how we first open after doubling over is crucial to whether we will heal at all.

It isn't just the how though, it's the when as well, that makes the difference, and I've come to the conclusion that it's my sense of timing that sucks.

People say things, or things happen that cause me pain... and I clench, and I flail... (and I sink deeper into the prison of my own making). Lately I've been trying to open up... and by lately I mean that it's been going on a lot longer than I and many other people realise or acknowledge - the problem is that my timing, (the choice of when I will open up to the pain and share it, allow it to be seen and heard and everything else), is just terrible. Trouble is, I don't know a way around that, so I guess people are just going to have to acccept that as the way it is.

So, friends and loved ones, you either want to hear the way I feel or you don't, and if my timing doesn't suit, I'm sorry for that, there is little I can do. I can try and wait until the moment when you are not hurting, or when you have time to listen, but then the moment has passed, the feeling is cold, and isn't relevant any more.