Seeing the Invisible

[cedar_grove]

I went to Ausrine and asked her what she did,
and Ausrine answered, "I am Saule's servant,
and darling little mother-sun. I kindle her fire
every morning, very early, very early,"

I went to the sun and asked her about Ausrine.
"She is dawn, my fire-kindler," Saule said.
And what about Vakyrine, star of evening? I asked.
"Vakyrine fluffs up my bed for me," she said.

--Lithuanian folksongs

It is not only our great actions that make us like goddesses, but our invisible daily lives as well. Like her, we rise each morning; like her, we retire to our beds each night.

Invisible daily lives...

I had to laugh at myself the other morning - I was cold as I got up to do my orisons and get myself ready for school, so on the end of the orisons, going from the bedroom to the kitchen to put the kettle on, and I'm saying, something along the lines of, 'damn it's cold... cold when I get up in the morning, cold all day at school... cold when I get home at night. Whoever said Egypt was hot!' Laughter - the best medicine right?

There are so many things I want to do, that I've said I will do... that I haven't done. I could list the frustrations that get in the way, but no - no point - the problem is mine, it's my fault. Anything else is just an excuse, just blaming other people and I hate that in others, I won't do it in myself.

So... I've talked about making lists before, and I make a list and then something happens when I'm part way down the list and suddenly in frustration I set the list aside. Lacking self discipline, or just plain tired, I end up tightening my own frustrations for not doing what I've said I'll do and what I want to do, with all my heart, and still don't. I know people will say - well if you really wanted to you'd make it happen, and my intellect says, yes... that's right. My frustration says, "I'm trying."

Consequently I don't feel like a goddess right now - I feel like a bit of a dolt... or worse.