What Is Rebirth Now?

[cedar_grove]

The flood receded, leaving swamps
where life emerged anew like seeds
sprouting in a mother's womb.
It was just like spring, when peasants
overturn the soil to find a world
of creatures there, as though the earth
itself crept and wriggled and was alive.
Life begins in heat and water,
those apparent opposites that stir
creation. Thus the sun, rising on
the flooded earth, brought forth new life.

--Ovid, Metamorphoses

Trusting in such rebirth is difficult, but every spring reminds us that renewal is an inevitable part of life.

My soil is fallow - still locked in winter I suppose if you want to be prosaic about it. It's been a tough week... with feeling lonely, with feeling the distance, and at the same time feeling all manner of warm and loving thoughts from my wonderful guy - even intersprersed as they can sometimes be with moments of frustration - Mir has the ability to turn my day around from down to up in a single word.

Even so, it's hard to believe in the promise of rebirth, or even what rebirth will look like at the moment. A Job in NC - God knows I've sent my CV to enough place over there - or an international job closer to NC, maybe even in the same time zone - somewhere where it doesn't take days to fly over and be with my guy? A return to the UK? I'll even settle, right now, for an internet connection that doesn't take three hours to load something, so that my 'To Do' list actually gets smaller rather than longer. Even that small step might be like a green shoot coming up out of my empty ground. Of course, as I said, I'm having a down week... roller coaster ride that things are.

Turn my thoughts to other things. Reading is going well... I'm enjoying the reading, and when I get the chance to post my thoughts and things to Librarything, I do. I couldn't be without my kindle now: CedarReader, part of the family :) Wish I could say the same about Writing. I have so many good intentions, but I'm so... exhausted, emotionally I guess, that being creative just isn't happening all that well. I manage to do a bit - every now and again, (and I'm talking fiction, not these entries, which I thrive on! They help me to feel a little more alive; a little more human).

Sounds all very negative - just reading what I put there - It's not. I truly am grateful for this job, and for the income we're getting from me working, that's allowing us to do things that we want to do. I'm grateful for the experience of it - I mean there [are days when I'm doing things, and feeling good and thinking to myself, Hey, look at all the great things I'm learning, the great experiences! One thing is for sure - it's certainly pushing me to be be more independent than I was, (in a good way)... and I know that at the end of it all, there are loving arms waiting to welcome me home - and a Fourth of July to share. I'm so looking forward to that.