Knowing Where I Am

[cedar_grove]

No one, not even the gods, can
know your immensity, Mother
of all beings, you who gave birth
to the world, you who gave birth
to yourself, alone. Your heavy
breasts shine yellow as saffron.
How can we not worship you!
How can we not banish doubt and anger
from our minds so that we can know
your red body with its milky breasts;
your body, beautiful and boundtiful;
your body red and saffron-gold;
our source and our safety?

--Indian Tantrasara

Each action we take, consciously and wholeheartedly is new and fresh. Each step we take in our life's dance has never been taken before.

I decided today, after visiting the computer store in the Souk to get my new computer that I really need to go there again one time in the daytime, when it's light, and visit all the stores and get to know the place. There are stores here where the produce is fresher than it is at the Metro (supermarket), and having things go bad on me is certainly an issue that I want to avoid. Six months is half a year, and I should know where to go in the place I'm living to get what I need, without having to always rely on other people too much

Like I do (mostly) in NC - knowing that I can get such and such in Harris Teeter at North, or I have to go to University Mall for x, y, or z. Knowing what I can get at Walmart or Target and so on. If I know those things, I should also know the same kinds of things for here, right - not that we have a walmart of Target, the closest equivalent we have is a store called Spinney's and I have to travel to Heliopolis for that... quite a trek, though the busses are regular enough and the cab far back, if I end up with a lot of things, is only 25LE (which is about 2.50 sterling, or $4) so it doesn't break the bank, but if I can get the things I need from stores in the souk around here, why make the Trek. What spend the extra time, which I could then use for working on things on my 'to do' list?

It's all part of growing up, I suppose - learning to be independent. I'm not saying that I'm not... I'm in a foreign country by myself for goodness sake, and yes I have friends around me to help me when I need that, but - I'm mostly coping... I think. But I do feel that there are areas where I could exercise a little more independence. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I should make allowances for myself, as I am still learning the steps to this new dance I'm living.