And A Happy New Year To All...

[cedar_grove]

Her beauty shines forth: Kokyanwhuti,
she who gives light and nourishes life,
the mother of all that lives and shall live.
There she stands, dressed in soft wool,
white and blue, woven with the symbols
of womanhood, the butterfly and the blossom.
Turquise and shell and coral: these are
her jewels. Fair and warm and tender:
these are her expressions. Gleaming white:
this is the color of her soft skin boots.
Look how she smiles at us as she dances
on the shifting sands of time. Look
how she smiles at us before she disappears.

--Hopi creation myth

...in our lives, the brief enthusiasm of beginnings comes all too soon to an end... That same ancient myth tells us an important secret, however: that the goddess did not disappear, bt submerged herself into the very reality that challenges us.

I believe it is in how we rise to the challenges of reality that define who we are as people, and for many years now I have been crumbling under reality, taking a negative view even while trying to speak positive words, demonstrate enthusiasm. It's a dichotomy that's been a sheering force, breaking me in two... and just when I'm starting to thing I'm getting on top of things along comes something else to push me back to the bottom of the unclimbable mountain of which I seem always to be standing at the foot.

I resolved to demonstrate the honesty of aligning inner with outer, while still trying to remain strong. It's not easy, because inner is a very emotional woman, wears her heart on her sleeve and doesn't really hold much back in regard of how she feels, and that's not always politic. She can be very sarcastic sometimes - which when faced with some other people who are or can also be sarcastic, or at least sound that way sometimes, even when that was not their intention, can often cause unrest. That inner resolution was challenged from the very moment the intent was thought into being.

In some situations I do better than others, and I'm fighting hard not to falter in that inner with outer alignment - but I have to keep reminding myself... checking myself, if you will, to demonstrate emotional honesty at all times. That doesn't mean going round with a miserable look on my face all the time - though I'm told that I rarely smile any more - but I think those smiles will return when I am at peace with not feeling one thing and trying to show another. Might end up getting called 'outspoken' and it might sometimes make me seem 'difficult' but why pretend I'm okay with something, when I'm not?

The movie and miniseries Dune open with Irulan speaking the worlds Beginnings are a very delicate time... (It's in the book too of course, but it's nestled there... in context with so many other things. Never truer words have been written/spoken. I came back to the school resolved to make the best of the next 6 months... to embrace the opportunity, and the easing of the financial burden which undeniably will help. Ironic then, that 'welcome back' should be followed by - 'oh, for the next two weeks there will be no Arabic specialist lessons.' Ministry exam time, apparently, and staff are being given time out of 'lessons' to do the marking of the exams after they have administered them this week.

Things that make you go hmmmm, kind of springs to mind. It makes for a difficult start to the new year, and already everyone - me included - doesn't feel like we've had a vacation at all.

Comments

[mirrani.livejournal.com]

I am starting to see why that school has such a big teacher turn-over and why they were so desperate for you to be there.