A Sliver of Myself.
Nov. 25th, 2011 06:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
For what good is it if only a sliver of you remains? What good if only your ear is accepted and the rest of your body must be kept out of view? What good if only your obedience and good manners are accepted and the rest of your passion and personality must be kept in hiding?
In truth, no one can live with a sliver; for slivers, even of gold, are near-impossible to hold.
Friday 18th
Because we couldn't find a place in Heliopolis, I will be by myself in a smaller apartment, but that's fine. Cost wise it works out pretty much the same and at this point, I'm not very good company at all anyway. I know it's because of the area and not because of me – but when you are feeling as vulnerable as I am right now, it does feel like a rejection... like a great, no one wants to live with you kind of moment.
Thinking about it thought, being by myself makes it easier with being online with Mir, and right now, that is by far the priority; working hard, and coming home to my guy... and to open back up from the turtle impression I've done over the past couple of weeks, where stress and fear have worn me to that sliver of myself... and just when I'd started to find my way again. Fear, insecurity, confusion... I could make excuses. I won't. Since there's a sliver of myself, the rest must be here somewhere. I just have to reconnect.
The Universe certainly has a way of testing us; testing our resolve. I think I must have failed the test.
Everybody can love in the place where they
are. We can all add our share of love without
leaving the room.
--Helen Nearing
For what good is it if only a sliver of you remains? What good if only your ear is accepted and the rest of your body must be kept out of view? What good if only your obedience and good manners are accepted and the rest of your passion and personality must be kept in hiding?
In truth, no one can live with a sliver; for slivers, even of gold, are near-impossible to hold.
Friday 18th
Because we couldn't find a place in Heliopolis, I will be by myself in a smaller apartment, but that's fine. Cost wise it works out pretty much the same and at this point, I'm not very good company at all anyway. I know it's because of the area and not because of me – but when you are feeling as vulnerable as I am right now, it does feel like a rejection... like a great, no one wants to live with you kind of moment.
Thinking about it thought, being by myself makes it easier with being online with Mir, and right now, that is by far the priority; working hard, and coming home to my guy... and to open back up from the turtle impression I've done over the past couple of weeks, where stress and fear have worn me to that sliver of myself... and just when I'd started to find my way again. Fear, insecurity, confusion... I could make excuses. I won't. Since there's a sliver of myself, the rest must be here somewhere. I just have to reconnect.
The Universe certainly has a way of testing us; testing our resolve. I think I must have failed the test.
