View From The Mountain Tops
Oct. 21st, 2011 03:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
As long as we clutch to one thing – be it a stone, or rail, or weapon – our hands cannot open or reach for anything else.
It's a short one this time… after a whole bunch of long ones, but… it's just occurred to me, reading this, one reason why it might be that I have narrowed my focus and the number of things that I'm shifting between to one or two things is this:
Feeling low, feeling the need for praise in place of criticism, I found something that I was 'good at' that was providing me with that needed contact, (albeit from others than the ones from whom I really craved it), and latched onto that, not even seeing that I was letting go of so much for the sake of this one small thing… and having done that, I've narrowed myself so much that I can't see the wood for the trees.
There's so much I want to do… there's reading, there's writing of all different kinds and projects and stuff… there's all that goes along with the Wiccan path I follow… and the trees are closed in so tight that I'm blocking myself from it – and it's leaving my restless, and that, along with other life pressures, mean that I'm not sleeping well… and when I do sleep I'm having these insane dreams. Things that I know would never in a million years happen and yet they're haunting me… like Nazi surveys on a bus on the way to a cruise ship? Don't think so.
I hate to make a schedule for myself, because that feels like taking a chainsaw to the trees around me, and that I don't want to do, but I need those broad horizons that I once had, where I can slip from moment to moment, from project to project, and be the happier person that I was, and am inside, even though it doesn't get expressed as it should – and that ends up making those I love and care about, Mir especially, feel inadequate. As I said, I hate to make a schedule for myself, because that's not 'free flowing' but… maybe it's a way trail of breadcrumbs through the trees a bit, just to remind myself that I can do many things and enjoy them, and am good at them all.
Maybe… sorry, this got longer than I intended.
The time has come to put our stones down.
For hands clutching stones can't freely drum.
And hearts fisting the past can't freely sing.
As long as we clutch to one thing – be it a stone, or rail, or weapon – our hands cannot open or reach for anything else.
It's a short one this time… after a whole bunch of long ones, but… it's just occurred to me, reading this, one reason why it might be that I have narrowed my focus and the number of things that I'm shifting between to one or two things is this:
Feeling low, feeling the need for praise in place of criticism, I found something that I was 'good at' that was providing me with that needed contact, (albeit from others than the ones from whom I really craved it), and latched onto that, not even seeing that I was letting go of so much for the sake of this one small thing… and having done that, I've narrowed myself so much that I can't see the wood for the trees.
There's so much I want to do… there's reading, there's writing of all different kinds and projects and stuff… there's all that goes along with the Wiccan path I follow… and the trees are closed in so tight that I'm blocking myself from it – and it's leaving my restless, and that, along with other life pressures, mean that I'm not sleeping well… and when I do sleep I'm having these insane dreams. Things that I know would never in a million years happen and yet they're haunting me… like Nazi surveys on a bus on the way to a cruise ship? Don't think so.
I hate to make a schedule for myself, because that feels like taking a chainsaw to the trees around me, and that I don't want to do, but I need those broad horizons that I once had, where I can slip from moment to moment, from project to project, and be the happier person that I was, and am inside, even though it doesn't get expressed as it should – and that ends up making those I love and care about, Mir especially, feel inadequate. As I said, I hate to make a schedule for myself, because that's not 'free flowing' but… maybe it's a way trail of breadcrumbs through the trees a bit, just to remind myself that I can do many things and enjoy them, and am good at them all.
Maybe… sorry, this got longer than I intended.
