Wiggling My Tail
Oct. 21st, 2011 02:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
Confined against our will-or even sometimes confined with our own consent-we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is-this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom.
I can identify with this, and also feel the sliver of hope at the end of it. I've been feeling in that depressive lifelessness since I got back to the UK; overwhelmed by the sense of separation, and the pressing needs that come along with coming back where nothing is settled as yet… trying to get back into the swing of things.
I've been sending out job applications for most of the jobs I can find that are for this academic year only, including one that borders my qualifications but where the school is prepared to support continuing education in order to extend my qualifications and expertise… anything that might help me in the future. That said, at the moment, the politics of teaching is worse than ever, and that gets me down. What the hell happened to just being able to actually teach children? I understand that certain standards have to be maintained, but for goodness sake, when the politics actually prevents teachers from doing their job effectively, how is that sensible?
Maybe if I get this job at the high school it will give me a booster shot in the arm – it being a little different in a way – and I'll actually start to feel more positive about teaching again. It's hard to be positive when you know you're walking into a hornet's nest of unhappy people all the time. Maybe it's about time that teachers, like the dolphin, found the edge of the net and sank down deep… because believe me, with our tale wiggles, we – and the kids we all love in some way or another – would soar.
For now, this little dolphin though, is teetering on the edge.
Far out at sea, a tuna fleet surrounded a group of spinner dolphins swimming over a school of tuna, catching them in a gigantic net. Small, powerful speedboats circled the animals, creating a wall of sound that disoriented and terrified the dolphins, who sank down silently into the net, only the movement of their eyes showing sighs of life. But when a dolphin crossed the corkline at the edge of the net, it knew it was free. It burst forward, propelled by powerful wide tail strokes...It then dove, swimming at full speed...down and away into the dark water, only to burst from the surface in a high bounding series of leaps.
--Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson
Confined against our will-or even sometimes confined with our own consent-we go lifeless as we feel the need for space. Feeling confined, fearful, enervated, not sure where the edge of the net is-this is the depressive, confusing struggle that always precedes freedom.
I can identify with this, and also feel the sliver of hope at the end of it. I've been feeling in that depressive lifelessness since I got back to the UK; overwhelmed by the sense of separation, and the pressing needs that come along with coming back where nothing is settled as yet… trying to get back into the swing of things.
I've been sending out job applications for most of the jobs I can find that are for this academic year only, including one that borders my qualifications but where the school is prepared to support continuing education in order to extend my qualifications and expertise… anything that might help me in the future. That said, at the moment, the politics of teaching is worse than ever, and that gets me down. What the hell happened to just being able to actually teach children? I understand that certain standards have to be maintained, but for goodness sake, when the politics actually prevents teachers from doing their job effectively, how is that sensible?
Maybe if I get this job at the high school it will give me a booster shot in the arm – it being a little different in a way – and I'll actually start to feel more positive about teaching again. It's hard to be positive when you know you're walking into a hornet's nest of unhappy people all the time. Maybe it's about time that teachers, like the dolphin, found the edge of the net and sank down deep… because believe me, with our tale wiggles, we – and the kids we all love in some way or another – would soar.
For now, this little dolphin though, is teetering on the edge.
