Both Sides of the Coin
Sep. 22nd, 2011 08:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
...someone I love comes along in pain and I start dumping my pockets, looking for the one thing I know that will help them.
This is almost exactly what I do. Someone comes to me with a problem, and besides being sympathetic, which I am even when I don't express it, the first thing I will do is start looking for a solution. It doesn't occur to my overactive mind that actually what might be more appropriate is that they might just want a hug. It's something I have to stop myself from doing on a conscious level.
By the opposite token though, sometimes that kind of response, when given, has been rebuffed, dismissed or unwanted, and often in a less than pleasant way. I'm putting this out here in public right now. If I make a display of sympathy, give a sympathetic gesture or express solidarity because of a problem or hurt a friend or anyone else is suffering, it's because the feelings I am expressing are genuine, as is the support. I don't do fake sympathy. It's demeaning both to the person giving it, and the person meant to be on the receiving end in both a practical and a spiritual way.
Please remember, it is what you are
that heals, not what you know.
--Carl Jung
...someone I love comes along in pain and I start dumping my pockets, looking for the one thing I know that will help them.
This is almost exactly what I do. Someone comes to me with a problem, and besides being sympathetic, which I am even when I don't express it, the first thing I will do is start looking for a solution. It doesn't occur to my overactive mind that actually what might be more appropriate is that they might just want a hug. It's something I have to stop myself from doing on a conscious level.
By the opposite token though, sometimes that kind of response, when given, has been rebuffed, dismissed or unwanted, and often in a less than pleasant way. I'm putting this out here in public right now. If I make a display of sympathy, give a sympathetic gesture or express solidarity because of a problem or hurt a friend or anyone else is suffering, it's because the feelings I am expressing are genuine, as is the support. I don't do fake sympathy. It's demeaning both to the person giving it, and the person meant to be on the receiving end in both a practical and a spiritual way.
