cedar_grove | Human Malady At Large

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

We are here to live out loud.
--Balizac

-Go outside, if you can, and listen to the birds. Hear the clearness of their song.
-Note how there seems to be nothing between their impulse to sing and what they sing.
-As you breathe, note what you are feeling and note whatever hesitation keeps you from sounding it out loud. This is a human malady.
-Work on removing your human hesitation. As you inhale, feel what rises in you. At the top of your breath, blink the mind shut like an eye. As you exhale, let the feeling sound from you, no matter how softly.

I know what makes me hesitate from sounding my feelings out aloud, It is the thought of the conflict that will ensue. Yes a learned response, yes a 'human malady' but it's also a very real one. I know that. I have seen and had it reaffirmed within me within the past few days that honestly, it's better if I temper what I say about what I feel.

I mean it probably isn't, and I'm sure it's not healthy, not for me, or for my relationships, but when it's perceived that voicing my feelings and/or concerns is whining, when my feelings are incompatible with caring for others who are important to me, isn't it the altruistic and noble thing to do to sacrifice one's own needs for the good of others.

And yet – I hear the birds singing out their joy at being alive, and I am envious. I smile as the squirrel scolds me for coming anywhere near to him... (or her)... and we all know how much I love the sound of the 'cheepy-tree-bugs.'

Lady nature lead me onwards... teach me to speak even when I would, for fear, stay silent.