With the Best Will In the World
Jul. 21st, 2011 11:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
It is said that Merlin, when training young Arthur in the woods of Camelot, told him that the only difference between magicians and the rest of us is that magicians accept that our will is but a dream.
I've said, maybe times before in this journal and in others that I don't deal well with disappointment. I don't deal well with things when they don't go according to plan. Perhaps this is the key. The whole, go with the flow… if I don't plan, I can't have those plans misaligned with what's actually happening throughout the day or days, and then I would be more gracious and flexible in everything? I don't know.
It's been a busy week… not that I had any plans as such. Two cars to inspect, rats to take care of, a little cleaning to do… and then things to write and all… getting sick wasn't part of the program, and it put me behind, and by Tuesday I had become frustrated. I wasn't having a good morning, I was cleaning, but all I was succeeding in doing was moving things from one pile to another and nothing was looking any cleaner and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing on the bed, feeling useless, hated by everyone – including the rats - and in need. "I need… something." I didn't even know what I needed at that point (though as the previous entry to this one points out, what I needed was contact… a hug), but I was in need. I soon pulled myself together… though I was still fragile enough that when Mir came home at lunchtime I immediately jumped up and had a hug, but still… it was a kind of scary morning for me.
If my will Is only a dream, then I dreamed that I will spend tomorrow writing. LOL
As the lungs remember
to breathe, even when we sleep,
the spirit keeps us alive
through the dream of our will.
It is said that Merlin, when training young Arthur in the woods of Camelot, told him that the only difference between magicians and the rest of us is that magicians accept that our will is but a dream.
I've said, maybe times before in this journal and in others that I don't deal well with disappointment. I don't deal well with things when they don't go according to plan. Perhaps this is the key. The whole, go with the flow… if I don't plan, I can't have those plans misaligned with what's actually happening throughout the day or days, and then I would be more gracious and flexible in everything? I don't know.
It's been a busy week… not that I had any plans as such. Two cars to inspect, rats to take care of, a little cleaning to do… and then things to write and all… getting sick wasn't part of the program, and it put me behind, and by Tuesday I had become frustrated. I wasn't having a good morning, I was cleaning, but all I was succeeding in doing was moving things from one pile to another and nothing was looking any cleaner and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing on the bed, feeling useless, hated by everyone – including the rats - and in need. "I need… something." I didn't even know what I needed at that point (though as the previous entry to this one points out, what I needed was contact… a hug), but I was in need. I soon pulled myself together… though I was still fragile enough that when Mir came home at lunchtime I immediately jumped up and had a hug, but still… it was a kind of scary morning for me.
If my will Is only a dream, then I dreamed that I will spend tomorrow writing. LOL
