Half My Heart...
Jun. 14th, 2011 12:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
This is a magnificent key to health: that, despite our resistance to accept that what we've lost is behind us, despite our need at times to stitch our wounds closed by reliving them, and despite our heroic efforts to preserve whatever is precious, despite all our attempts to stop the flow of life, the heart knows better. It knows that the only way to truly remember or stay whole is to take the best and worst into its tissue.
When I read this – as I sit here thinking on what it all means, on where I have come from to be where I am now, as I sit here feeling the loneliness of being apart from my guy, feeling tired and knowing that in the not too distant future I will have to take myself to bed; end this day and begin a new one; sit here wondering and worrying when will be the next time we can walk along hand in hand; sit here remembering the moments we've shared, both good and bad – the walk along the Mall, or the hallway – the walk up to the top of our mountain overlook, the carriage ride through the Biltmore grounds… the walk to sleep alone after being at odds, nesting on the floor next to each other, caring for my guy through sickness, and worrying, laughing together, crying together, being together… contemplating all the things that have been, are and will be a part of our life together – as I sit here on one side of an internet connection, one thought fills my wise heart:
We may be almost 4000 miles apart in distance, but we are never apart in our hearts. The beat I hear, the beat I feel with my hand against my chest, is the love of my 'husband' and our hearts becoming whole.
As an inlet cannot close itself to the sea that shapes it, the heart can only wear itself open.
This is a magnificent key to health: that, despite our resistance to accept that what we've lost is behind us, despite our need at times to stitch our wounds closed by reliving them, and despite our heroic efforts to preserve whatever is precious, despite all our attempts to stop the flow of life, the heart knows better. It knows that the only way to truly remember or stay whole is to take the best and worst into its tissue.
When I read this – as I sit here thinking on what it all means, on where I have come from to be where I am now, as I sit here feeling the loneliness of being apart from my guy, feeling tired and knowing that in the not too distant future I will have to take myself to bed; end this day and begin a new one; sit here wondering and worrying when will be the next time we can walk along hand in hand; sit here remembering the moments we've shared, both good and bad – the walk along the Mall, or the hallway – the walk up to the top of our mountain overlook, the carriage ride through the Biltmore grounds… the walk to sleep alone after being at odds, nesting on the floor next to each other, caring for my guy through sickness, and worrying, laughing together, crying together, being together… contemplating all the things that have been, are and will be a part of our life together – as I sit here on one side of an internet connection, one thought fills my wise heart:
We may be almost 4000 miles apart in distance, but we are never apart in our hearts. The beat I hear, the beat I feel with my hand against my chest, is the love of my 'husband' and our hearts becoming whole.
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Date: 2011-06-14 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-14 10:00 pm (UTC)