Who We Are.
May. 16th, 2011 10:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
...it is more a game of see-saw: to keep myself up, or to keep my sense of how I see myself up...
There's nothing like a wedding to bring family together, and to at some point show everyone as they really are, warts and all. It's real, it's honest - and that's a special thing.
And it was special, with lots of people I didn't know before the beginning of the day - or didn't know well - an opportunity to get to know people a little bit. It was great to be able to sit back a little bit and just... people watch - mostly the people in my family.
Even the weather was 'loving' to us today - it just sprinkled us with what I'd like to think of as 'tears of joy' for Megan and Gavin for a few minutes as some of the photographs were being taken. That sounds bizzare, I know, but I really don't care all that much that it does.
There were a few little frustrations at the beginning of the day, but I was determined to keep my calmness, since I figured that was the best way to deal with the tensions around me - and honestly, it really wasn't either all that bad, or all that hard to understand. There are stresses to deal with on a wedding day, different stresses for different people. I said I had made a conscious decision to keep calm to Mir in the car on the way. Just as I was thinking that she had shown aspects how Mom deals with stress, she said the same thing - it was just an observation, not a put down or anything.
Being there with Megan, watching the getting ready process brought back not so distant memories... fond memories, and I'd like to think that Megan will be able to look back at the process of getting ready and feel the same warmth as I did - maybe when she helps out one of her friends, or her cousin... something. But I also knew when it was time for me to leave - let the sisters have the time together (albeit with the bridesmaids), and that was something that reinforced me as who I am. Little things, that's all... fade back into the background and continue the Family watching.
It was great to see Martha and Barry again... such warm people - so caring - well like most of the family really, but somehow... sending it all out as a wave of calm excitement (and I know that's an oxymoron, but it's the truth), and Nancy and Jeff, so bubbly and full of a different kind of happy warmth, and Becky - I think the comment that sums her up was made as we were waiting for the buses to be ready to go: "It's a shame she's not perky." in a tone of deep irony. Makes me chuckle...
Memories, lots of them, good ones, old and new... reinforcing ones, and ones that helped to break down unwanted remnants of things that weren't me... to allow me to be things that are me - not that I mean to say any of it all was about me, just that this is the effect it had on me. I'm sure everyone experienced their own feelings and experience of what was a truly wonderful day... tiring for Megan and Gavin I'm sure, but wonderful none the less.
One thing though - with so many people making the same observations about Mom; so many people worrying about the same kind of things, I truly wish there were some kind of intervention that could help. I doubt there is - I know it's not going to happen, but for Mom's sake, and for the people around her too, it's something I dearly wish. She is as she is though - and only she can make the change, and for that, she has to want to.
The greatest defense is being who you are.
...it is more a game of see-saw: to keep myself up, or to keep my sense of how I see myself up...
There's nothing like a wedding to bring family together, and to at some point show everyone as they really are, warts and all. It's real, it's honest - and that's a special thing.
And it was special, with lots of people I didn't know before the beginning of the day - or didn't know well - an opportunity to get to know people a little bit. It was great to be able to sit back a little bit and just... people watch - mostly the people in my family.
Even the weather was 'loving' to us today - it just sprinkled us with what I'd like to think of as 'tears of joy' for Megan and Gavin for a few minutes as some of the photographs were being taken. That sounds bizzare, I know, but I really don't care all that much that it does.
There were a few little frustrations at the beginning of the day, but I was determined to keep my calmness, since I figured that was the best way to deal with the tensions around me - and honestly, it really wasn't either all that bad, or all that hard to understand. There are stresses to deal with on a wedding day, different stresses for different people. I said I had made a conscious decision to keep calm to Mir in the car on the way. Just as I was thinking that she had shown aspects how Mom deals with stress, she said the same thing - it was just an observation, not a put down or anything.
Being there with Megan, watching the getting ready process brought back not so distant memories... fond memories, and I'd like to think that Megan will be able to look back at the process of getting ready and feel the same warmth as I did - maybe when she helps out one of her friends, or her cousin... something. But I also knew when it was time for me to leave - let the sisters have the time together (albeit with the bridesmaids), and that was something that reinforced me as who I am. Little things, that's all... fade back into the background and continue the Family watching.
It was great to see Martha and Barry again... such warm people - so caring - well like most of the family really, but somehow... sending it all out as a wave of calm excitement (and I know that's an oxymoron, but it's the truth), and Nancy and Jeff, so bubbly and full of a different kind of happy warmth, and Becky - I think the comment that sums her up was made as we were waiting for the buses to be ready to go: "It's a shame she's not perky." in a tone of deep irony. Makes me chuckle...
Memories, lots of them, good ones, old and new... reinforcing ones, and ones that helped to break down unwanted remnants of things that weren't me... to allow me to be things that are me - not that I mean to say any of it all was about me, just that this is the effect it had on me. I'm sure everyone experienced their own feelings and experience of what was a truly wonderful day... tiring for Megan and Gavin I'm sure, but wonderful none the less.
One thing though - with so many people making the same observations about Mom; so many people worrying about the same kind of things, I truly wish there were some kind of intervention that could help. I doubt there is - I know it's not going to happen, but for Mom's sake, and for the people around her too, it's something I dearly wish. She is as she is though - and only she can make the change, and for that, she has to want to.
