Shifting Focus
May. 10th, 2011 09:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
...the heart can feel what joins us with everything or replay its many cuts.
(from 9th May)
Today was a day of ups and downs, of universal togetherness and separations. I started out the day feeling very positive, working with a joined consciousness to wash and rebuild a new playground for the ratties, enjoying what I was doing. There was contact from my beta, the chapter was ready, there were people far distant contacting me and I replied. I felt truly connected... for a while.
Then suddenly everything switched - I started feeling a bit like a punchbag, or whipping post. The messages I was getting on LJ and facebook were pointed and I read them (for no reason, I might add), as if they had been written with an angry tone, or in irritation. That I'd somehow done something wrong.
Then something Mir said hurt.
Then someone pointed out that the way I was viewing things was a negative way of looking at it, and I should see it as closure rather than viewing it with suspicion.
And then, and then and then...
Walking round the grocery store, I stopped. This was ridiculous - why was I feeling this way - why were these things that happened, these comments that were made separating me from dwelling within the sense of peace and togetherness that I was, for the most part, feeling? What could I do to to have my heart focus on the communion and not on the cuts. I recognise that the recent communication I'd had threw me for a loop, and I felt old patterns - perhaps that was a part of it.
Just when I think I'm free of the weight of that negativity, it crops up again. Maybe Gaile was right after all, but it's hard to just let it go when there is so much baggage that I'm still carrying.
I made a promise to myself to live only in love and quiet harmony for the rest of the day and for the most part I think I did. I want that to continue...it will.
(for all that it might take a little while to deal with the remaining fall out from messages out of the blue).
To direct the mind towards the basic unity of
all things and to divert it from the seizing of
differences - therein lies bliss.
--Tejo Bindu Upanishad
...the heart can feel what joins us with everything or replay its many cuts.
(from 9th May)
Today was a day of ups and downs, of universal togetherness and separations. I started out the day feeling very positive, working with a joined consciousness to wash and rebuild a new playground for the ratties, enjoying what I was doing. There was contact from my beta, the chapter was ready, there were people far distant contacting me and I replied. I felt truly connected... for a while.
Then suddenly everything switched - I started feeling a bit like a punchbag, or whipping post. The messages I was getting on LJ and facebook were pointed and I read them (for no reason, I might add), as if they had been written with an angry tone, or in irritation. That I'd somehow done something wrong.
Then something Mir said hurt.
Then someone pointed out that the way I was viewing things was a negative way of looking at it, and I should see it as closure rather than viewing it with suspicion.
And then, and then and then...
Walking round the grocery store, I stopped. This was ridiculous - why was I feeling this way - why were these things that happened, these comments that were made separating me from dwelling within the sense of peace and togetherness that I was, for the most part, feeling? What could I do to to have my heart focus on the communion and not on the cuts. I recognise that the recent communication I'd had threw me for a loop, and I felt old patterns - perhaps that was a part of it.
Just when I think I'm free of the weight of that negativity, it crops up again. Maybe Gaile was right after all, but it's hard to just let it go when there is so much baggage that I'm still carrying.
I made a promise to myself to live only in love and quiet harmony for the rest of the day and for the most part I think I did. I want that to continue...it will.
(for all that it might take a little while to deal with the remaining fall out from messages out of the blue).
