![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
...We are often so preoccupied with the next move-or if there will be a next move-that we seldom feel the deep rewards of simply holding each other.
By treating each moment of touch as a consummation in itself, we can practice feeling eternity.
I've always been a touchy feely kind of person - touch is important to me. The light touch on the arm of the one I love often says more than words ever could... the way I reach to 'my boy' to pet him softly... and more intimate contact, like hugs and kisses are like vital breaths to my soul.
That's why the distance is so hard on me... on all of us.
Our boys are sick... and I'm not there to pet them, to let them know that I love them with the way I ruffle their little heads or bring them what they need.
Worse still, I'm not there to hold Mir, to snuggle with her and give her my strength while we worry over them together. Oh, certainly I'm worrying just as much as I would if I were there, but... it isn't the same - and I feel somehow less for not being able to do these things for them all.
Less connected, less sincere, less caring. I know that's not true... but it feels that way. Maybe that's why, "You're not here, you don't care!" hurts so much - because it isn't true, and it somehow pushes me away.
As long as you do not live totally in the body, you do not live totally in the Self.
-B. K. S. Ivengar
...We are often so preoccupied with the next move-or if there will be a next move-that we seldom feel the deep rewards of simply holding each other.
By treating each moment of touch as a consummation in itself, we can practice feeling eternity.
I've always been a touchy feely kind of person - touch is important to me. The light touch on the arm of the one I love often says more than words ever could... the way I reach to 'my boy' to pet him softly... and more intimate contact, like hugs and kisses are like vital breaths to my soul.
That's why the distance is so hard on me... on all of us.
Our boys are sick... and I'm not there to pet them, to let them know that I love them with the way I ruffle their little heads or bring them what they need.
Worse still, I'm not there to hold Mir, to snuggle with her and give her my strength while we worry over them together. Oh, certainly I'm worrying just as much as I would if I were there, but... it isn't the same - and I feel somehow less for not being able to do these things for them all.
Less connected, less sincere, less caring. I know that's not true... but it feels that way. Maybe that's why, "You're not here, you don't care!" hurts so much - because it isn't true, and it somehow pushes me away.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
It might help to remember...
Date: 2011-03-13 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-27 11:27 pm (UTC)I'm sorry I'm such a monster to you.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-27 11:32 pm (UTC)I do know it's not about the rats, I know it's not about a lot of things, but it's still hard to hear. That doesn't make you a monster to me. You're not. You never were and never will be. You're the best thing that's ever come into my life, and I love you so very much. But you want honesty, and if I don't admit to things hurting that's being dishonest. Doesn't make you a monster, it makes you the only person I've trusted in a /long/ time to be able to be that open with.
I love you.