Greed is Good?
Feb. 16th, 2011 05:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
The truth is that one experience taken to heart will satisfy our hunger to be loved by everyone.
This one is hard.
I'm sitting here staring at a blank page, and trying to shuffle though the jumble of thoughts and emotions and make some kind of sense of them all.
Yes, I want to be a good wife, a good friend, good teacher, a good writer, compassionate, kind and loving... I want to be recognised for those things and for who I am... So yes, often I seek attention - and not always in the best of ways, I'll admit, and I can be a read child about it if I don't get the attention, or get my 'own way.' But it's kind of backward from all of this, in a way... because all of the many things I'm seeking, the many experiences I'm pursuing, have at their core the 'single cherry;' the one thing that I truly need, truly want: To be with, in every sense of the the word (physically, emotionally, etc) with the woman I love. The rest doesn't matter.
So I try to be a good teacher, because that might help to get me here faster. A good wife and friend to be appreciated, compassionate and loving because really, that's who I am at the core, when all the pressures and everything are stripped away and I'm not weighed down by the struggle to simply be. The writing is a selfish thing - a thing for which I seek approval... not needed, but wanted, (and often lacking). If people notice me, particularly as a teacher, perhaps, just perhaps this time I'll be able to move here, to live with Mir and work here - and be together...
So if it's greedy to want to be with the one you love; to want to share love with them, know they approve of you, validate you as a person, then yes... I'm greedy.
I'm gladly greedy.
The greedy one gathered all the cherries,
while the simple one tasted
all the cherries in one.
The truth is that one experience taken to heart will satisfy our hunger to be loved by everyone.
This one is hard.
I'm sitting here staring at a blank page, and trying to shuffle though the jumble of thoughts and emotions and make some kind of sense of them all.
Yes, I want to be a good wife, a good friend, good teacher, a good writer, compassionate, kind and loving... I want to be recognised for those things and for who I am... So yes, often I seek attention - and not always in the best of ways, I'll admit, and I can be a read child about it if I don't get the attention, or get my 'own way.' But it's kind of backward from all of this, in a way... because all of the many things I'm seeking, the many experiences I'm pursuing, have at their core the 'single cherry;' the one thing that I truly need, truly want: To be with, in every sense of the the word (physically, emotionally, etc) with the woman I love. The rest doesn't matter.
So I try to be a good teacher, because that might help to get me here faster. A good wife and friend to be appreciated, compassionate and loving because really, that's who I am at the core, when all the pressures and everything are stripped away and I'm not weighed down by the struggle to simply be. The writing is a selfish thing - a thing for which I seek approval... not needed, but wanted, (and often lacking). If people notice me, particularly as a teacher, perhaps, just perhaps this time I'll be able to move here, to live with Mir and work here - and be together...
So if it's greedy to want to be with the one you love; to want to share love with them, know they approve of you, validate you as a person, then yes... I'm greedy.
I'm gladly greedy.
