Being Kind.
Jan. 26th, 2011 10:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
-Center yourself and meditate on the water of compassion that pools in your heart.
- As you breathe, simply let it flow, without intent, into the air around you.
The morning 'dance' around the kitchen is difficult. There isn't really enough room for two adults and two dogs to be in there at the same time. I should make my sandwiches or whatever I'm having for lunch the night before, to give mum more space to do what she needs to do. Thank you for my tea… no real desire for breakfast, I didn't sleep well and don't really feel like eating. It's self neglect, I know, but take the tea and go and sit to drink it before I leave the house. The air is cold, it's not quite properly light and the headlights of the cars are piercing in the morning gloom, a damp and rainy day. There is a couple at the bus stop. The woman comes with him every morning I assume, though I don't always see them. She walks him to the bus stop, but never gets on the bus. They kiss as the bus draws closer; I smile. I'm early, must have left the house earlier than I thought I had, it's the 31 not the X3, which means I'll go through the village and we'll stop at every stop. There's impatience at that and that many of the people that are slow to get on. I'm by myself for a long time, but the bus fills up slowly and soon I have other passengers sitting beside and around me. What are their lives? There's one woman I notice particularly, all dark, hair scraped back into a ponytail off her face, and bright red lipstick. Bright. She seems angry, makes a face at something I don't know what, some kind of internal conversation she's having perhaps… I don't know but I wonder. Not my place, not my business, withdraw. The woman gets onto the bus with her daughter, always the same – here's my ticket (a weekly pass) and can I have 70p for the child. They only go three or four stops down the road, just past Stoneygate. The daughter is beautiful, full of innocence and energy almost a reflection of her mother's tired, careworn, I-have-to-go-to-work aura. They're like darkness and shadow to each other. She gives her daughter a blue paper, obviously some kind of school form, and a few seconds later an envelope with her teacher's name already written on the front. The daughter puts the paper in the envelope, pulls off the backing from the adhesive and seals the envelope. Why didn't they do this at home? Something in the free newspaper catches my eye; I will pick one up as I get off the bus by the bus station. It's not far now. The last part of the journey takes so long. The 6 is not in yet, I have time to get a drink at the store. I'll be talking a lot today… don't really have time to get to the staffroom – down the stairs through the hall along the corridor up the stairs… make the tea, retrace the steps. Having a drink will be useful. The children are coming… they're not my students, but the hearing impaired coming to have their hearing aids checked for the day, makes sure their radios and implants are working. It becomes the background…. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine and back again. What's the day today? When-es-day… why doesn't the teacher correct that? Smiles and patience with the children. Reading today, comprehension questions and learning to locate information in text. How many different ways can I ask that question? Where is your homework? What's kind, to forgive, or chastise those that haven't brought it? Next time, I say… and forgive. They work hard when they're with me, never a moment to stop. I see the progress, even the small steps. Lunch – a moment to catch my breath, read a few pages of my book… typical fantasy, but it's been a long time and I enjoy what I read. Why is this character's mother such an ass to her daughter? Am I like that with my 'babies.' Worry for Halling and Amonete… almost text to find out if Halling is okay, have a bad feeling. It passes, I'm being paranoid. He's a fighter… to busy caring for others to give in. Children coming again, I'll move my chair after this one, so the light isn't behind me – Jay will need to read my lips. Speak more slowing and clearly, help him to hear letter sounds. Model good sentences, everything it says in the report from the hearing impaired specialist. He makes good progress… identifies the correct pronouns for the sentences… reads well, some of the ends of his words are missing, but he's doing very well, trying very hard. One more for the day, my only girl… oh but this book is above my level – that's okay, we'll work with it together, it will help you progress that way, well done for challenging yourself. – guiding questions, she's happy when she gets it and her face lights up. Smiles are shared and it's time to go. She thanks me… more smiles as I answer her – she's welcome, I'll see her next week. Time to go. Getting dark already, it's turned cold. I bundle up. There's a police car outside the school, the officer is booking the driver of another car… probably speeding past the school. I try not to think about it. A brisk walk to the bus stop, a long wait before the 6 comes… sit by myself thinking on getting back… I tune everything out; almost forget to get off the bus. In the city, off one bus onto the next. I sit alone and remain alone the whole journey. Close my eyes and perhaps sleep for some of it… open my eyes going past the race course, where am I… there's Asda – almost back… quite dark by now. Off the bus and cross the main road, grass on the median squelches under my feet. No moon today, not like the other day, and I wish the photograph would have turned out. My street is even darker after the lights of the main road. Cut down the neighbour's driveway to the narrow strip of garden by the front door. Go inside and Rolly barks hello, I tell him quiet, and dad says he's only saying hello. He's right. I call Rolly back and fuss him and Gypsy for a moment or two before saying hello to anyone else and then getting my dinner from the oven… a ready meal. It's good, I'm hungry. Thanks to mum for putting it in to get hot – wait, was that Jolene on the TV? Only a flashback… can't hear anyway for Gypsy barking as she plays 'catch the hand under the pillow' with dad… mum's annoyed, trying to watch the show… head upstairs. Computer is so slow to start up and open the program. It's Mir, and I want to catch what it is she's saying before she has to go to back to work. The video for Amonete, for Dr. Smith, my belly and my heart twist about each other, poor girl, her fits… I worry. I find the video, send the link and email to Dr Smith first before letting myself watch the video. My heart lurches again… not just for Amonete. I can see how much Mir is hurting from everything that's happening and what she had to do to get the video. Spend a long time just looking at the computer screen afterwards… thinking of them both; thinking to them both. Almost like waking afterwards. Call Ann to catch up as I said I would… she's happy to hear from me, and I am too. I miss working with her.
Compassion
-give mum more space to do what she needs to do. Thank you for my tea…
-They kiss as the bus draws closer; I smile.
-What are their lives? There's one woman I notice. She seems angry, makes a face at something. I don't know but I wonder.
- The daughter is beautiful, full of innocence and energy almost a reflection of her mother's tired, careworn, I-have-to-go-to-work aura…. Why didn't they do this at home?
- What's the day today? When-es-day… why doesn't the teacher correct that?
- What's kind, to forgive, or chastise those that haven't brought it? Next time, I say… and forgive.
- Why is this character's mother such an ass to her daughter? Am I like that with my 'babies.' Worry for Halling and Amonete… almost text to find out if Halling is okay, have a bad feeling. It passes, I'm being paranoid. He's a fighter… to busy caring for others to give in.
- I'll move my chair after this one, so the light isn't behind me – Jay will need to read my lips. Speak more slowing and clearly, help him to hear letter sounds. Model good sentences
-oh but this book is above my level – that's okay, we'll work with it together, it will help you progress that way, well done for challenging yourself. – guiding questions, she's happy when she gets it and her face lights up. Smiles are shared and it's time to go. She thanks me… more smiles as I answer her – she's welcome, I'll see her next week.
- I call Rolly back and fuss him and Gypsy for a moment or two before saying hello to anyone else.
-Thanks to mum for putting it in to get hot
- I want to catch what it is she's saying before she has to go to back to work. The video for Amonete, for Dr. Smith, my belly and my heart twist about each other, poor girl, her fits… I worry. I find the video, send the link and email to Dr Smith first before letting myself watch the video. My heart lurches again… not just for Amonete. I can see how much Mir is hurting from everything that's happening and what she had to do to get the video. Spend a long time just looking at the computer screen afterwards… thinking of them both; thinking to them both.
- Call Ann to catch up as I said I would… she's happy to hear from me, and I am too. I miss working with her.
It is, I believe, as Mencius, the grandson of Confucius, says, that just as water unobstructed will flow downhill, we, given the chance to be what we are, will extend ourselves in kindness. So, the real and lasting practice for each of us is to remove what obstructs us so that we can be who we are, holding nothing back. If we can work toward this kind of authenticity, then the living kindness -the water of compassion- will naturally flow. We do not need discipline to be kind, just an open heart.
- As you breathe, simply let it flow, without intent, into the air around you.
The morning 'dance' around the kitchen is difficult. There isn't really enough room for two adults and two dogs to be in there at the same time. I should make my sandwiches or whatever I'm having for lunch the night before, to give mum more space to do what she needs to do. Thank you for my tea… no real desire for breakfast, I didn't sleep well and don't really feel like eating. It's self neglect, I know, but take the tea and go and sit to drink it before I leave the house. The air is cold, it's not quite properly light and the headlights of the cars are piercing in the morning gloom, a damp and rainy day. There is a couple at the bus stop. The woman comes with him every morning I assume, though I don't always see them. She walks him to the bus stop, but never gets on the bus. They kiss as the bus draws closer; I smile. I'm early, must have left the house earlier than I thought I had, it's the 31 not the X3, which means I'll go through the village and we'll stop at every stop. There's impatience at that and that many of the people that are slow to get on. I'm by myself for a long time, but the bus fills up slowly and soon I have other passengers sitting beside and around me. What are their lives? There's one woman I notice particularly, all dark, hair scraped back into a ponytail off her face, and bright red lipstick. Bright. She seems angry, makes a face at something I don't know what, some kind of internal conversation she's having perhaps… I don't know but I wonder. Not my place, not my business, withdraw. The woman gets onto the bus with her daughter, always the same – here's my ticket (a weekly pass) and can I have 70p for the child. They only go three or four stops down the road, just past Stoneygate. The daughter is beautiful, full of innocence and energy almost a reflection of her mother's tired, careworn, I-have-to-go-to-work aura. They're like darkness and shadow to each other. She gives her daughter a blue paper, obviously some kind of school form, and a few seconds later an envelope with her teacher's name already written on the front. The daughter puts the paper in the envelope, pulls off the backing from the adhesive and seals the envelope. Why didn't they do this at home? Something in the free newspaper catches my eye; I will pick one up as I get off the bus by the bus station. It's not far now. The last part of the journey takes so long. The 6 is not in yet, I have time to get a drink at the store. I'll be talking a lot today… don't really have time to get to the staffroom – down the stairs through the hall along the corridor up the stairs… make the tea, retrace the steps. Having a drink will be useful. The children are coming… they're not my students, but the hearing impaired coming to have their hearing aids checked for the day, makes sure their radios and implants are working. It becomes the background…. One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine and back again. What's the day today? When-es-day… why doesn't the teacher correct that? Smiles and patience with the children. Reading today, comprehension questions and learning to locate information in text. How many different ways can I ask that question? Where is your homework? What's kind, to forgive, or chastise those that haven't brought it? Next time, I say… and forgive. They work hard when they're with me, never a moment to stop. I see the progress, even the small steps. Lunch – a moment to catch my breath, read a few pages of my book… typical fantasy, but it's been a long time and I enjoy what I read. Why is this character's mother such an ass to her daughter? Am I like that with my 'babies.' Worry for Halling and Amonete… almost text to find out if Halling is okay, have a bad feeling. It passes, I'm being paranoid. He's a fighter… to busy caring for others to give in. Children coming again, I'll move my chair after this one, so the light isn't behind me – Jay will need to read my lips. Speak more slowing and clearly, help him to hear letter sounds. Model good sentences, everything it says in the report from the hearing impaired specialist. He makes good progress… identifies the correct pronouns for the sentences… reads well, some of the ends of his words are missing, but he's doing very well, trying very hard. One more for the day, my only girl… oh but this book is above my level – that's okay, we'll work with it together, it will help you progress that way, well done for challenging yourself. – guiding questions, she's happy when she gets it and her face lights up. Smiles are shared and it's time to go. She thanks me… more smiles as I answer her – she's welcome, I'll see her next week. Time to go. Getting dark already, it's turned cold. I bundle up. There's a police car outside the school, the officer is booking the driver of another car… probably speeding past the school. I try not to think about it. A brisk walk to the bus stop, a long wait before the 6 comes… sit by myself thinking on getting back… I tune everything out; almost forget to get off the bus. In the city, off one bus onto the next. I sit alone and remain alone the whole journey. Close my eyes and perhaps sleep for some of it… open my eyes going past the race course, where am I… there's Asda – almost back… quite dark by now. Off the bus and cross the main road, grass on the median squelches under my feet. No moon today, not like the other day, and I wish the photograph would have turned out. My street is even darker after the lights of the main road. Cut down the neighbour's driveway to the narrow strip of garden by the front door. Go inside and Rolly barks hello, I tell him quiet, and dad says he's only saying hello. He's right. I call Rolly back and fuss him and Gypsy for a moment or two before saying hello to anyone else and then getting my dinner from the oven… a ready meal. It's good, I'm hungry. Thanks to mum for putting it in to get hot – wait, was that Jolene on the TV? Only a flashback… can't hear anyway for Gypsy barking as she plays 'catch the hand under the pillow' with dad… mum's annoyed, trying to watch the show… head upstairs. Computer is so slow to start up and open the program. It's Mir, and I want to catch what it is she's saying before she has to go to back to work. The video for Amonete, for Dr. Smith, my belly and my heart twist about each other, poor girl, her fits… I worry. I find the video, send the link and email to Dr Smith first before letting myself watch the video. My heart lurches again… not just for Amonete. I can see how much Mir is hurting from everything that's happening and what she had to do to get the video. Spend a long time just looking at the computer screen afterwards… thinking of them both; thinking to them both. Almost like waking afterwards. Call Ann to catch up as I said I would… she's happy to hear from me, and I am too. I miss working with her.
Compassion
-give mum more space to do what she needs to do. Thank you for my tea…
-They kiss as the bus draws closer; I smile.
-What are their lives? There's one woman I notice. She seems angry, makes a face at something. I don't know but I wonder.
- The daughter is beautiful, full of innocence and energy almost a reflection of her mother's tired, careworn, I-have-to-go-to-work aura…. Why didn't they do this at home?
- What's the day today? When-es-day… why doesn't the teacher correct that?
- What's kind, to forgive, or chastise those that haven't brought it? Next time, I say… and forgive.
- Why is this character's mother such an ass to her daughter? Am I like that with my 'babies.' Worry for Halling and Amonete… almost text to find out if Halling is okay, have a bad feeling. It passes, I'm being paranoid. He's a fighter… to busy caring for others to give in.
- I'll move my chair after this one, so the light isn't behind me – Jay will need to read my lips. Speak more slowing and clearly, help him to hear letter sounds. Model good sentences
-oh but this book is above my level – that's okay, we'll work with it together, it will help you progress that way, well done for challenging yourself. – guiding questions, she's happy when she gets it and her face lights up. Smiles are shared and it's time to go. She thanks me… more smiles as I answer her – she's welcome, I'll see her next week.
- I call Rolly back and fuss him and Gypsy for a moment or two before saying hello to anyone else.
-Thanks to mum for putting it in to get hot
- I want to catch what it is she's saying before she has to go to back to work. The video for Amonete, for Dr. Smith, my belly and my heart twist about each other, poor girl, her fits… I worry. I find the video, send the link and email to Dr Smith first before letting myself watch the video. My heart lurches again… not just for Amonete. I can see how much Mir is hurting from everything that's happening and what she had to do to get the video. Spend a long time just looking at the computer screen afterwards… thinking of them both; thinking to them both.
- Call Ann to catch up as I said I would… she's happy to hear from me, and I am too. I miss working with her.
