To See The Beauty In the World

On Hildar Hill the goddess sat.
Poets someday will say that
light itself paled beside her,
casting shadows on the wall.
On Hildar Hill the goddess sat,
radience streaming from her.
Poets someday will say that
looking at her was like staring at fire.
On Hildar Hill the goddess sat,
combing out her fine hair.
Poets will someday say that
it was as fine-spun silk
and shone like gold.

--Song from the Faroe Islands

Absorbed in the world's beauty, we move together toward the dawning springtime.

After my wake up call yesterday; after realising that Mir is right, and that a big part of my issues both here and elsewhere, is the fact of my ingrained negativity... that I look at everything by looking at the negative and not the positive, it's time to do something about it. Not to talk, but to do.

I'm incredibly lucky - blessed - to have in my life, and to have around me some great people. None more so than my guy, who in spite of everything, or maybe even because of it, is self aware enough in a way that I seem to resist, to hold up her hands and say "I recognise that I..." Through our conversations, our admissions and confession, through hearing what she had to say, I begin to feel as though scales over my eyes and heart have broken free, and I am able to peel them away from the parts of me that needed freeing. I missed so many of the ways she was supporting me because I was caught in a downward spiral of negativity, and I apologies for that, she's been amazing and I embrace that love she's given to me and mirror it with all my heart.

Egypt isn't to blame for what I'm experiencing, what I'm feeling, nor my behavior in response to that. I am, and I can do something about it.

I also accepted the fact that I haven't always been using these posts as they are meant to be used. They're not meant to be used to whine and complain, but to comment on aspects of my faith, and path, and to reconnect with the goddess and that side of things. Yes, some of the posts I'm made have done that, but not all of them, few of them in fact. This too must and will change. And yes, I'm human - can't be a saint, as Mir said, even the saints weren't saints, but yes I can make sure that I separate the everyday whines/complains from what I want to be the reconnecting with my inner self.

Light is returning, and I'm able to see the springtime beauty around and within me, and I am able to embrace that, by looking positively... by acting accordingly. Yes, there are things that I want to do - like complete the novel - that I need to be at the computer to do them, which means shutting myself away - but also it doesn't hurt to take a while out to do other things, be less of a hermit. Like today... I needed something from the store, so I stayed on the school bus past my apartment as it goes past the store - saved a walk - and two other colleages went to the store, and then I was invited for coffee afterwards. The temptation was there to say no, that I had to get back, but then no... I embraced the chance to sit outside in the warm afternoon sun, with two people I work with and want to know a little better. We stayed for quite some time, until it had gotten dark as a matter of fact, and it was a good positive experience. Just a little example and reminder to myself of what can be. However (this part is tongue in cheek), note to self - do not order French coffee ever again. Talk about being able to stand the spoon up in coffee! Wow! I think next time I'll try mint tea!

The world is beautiful. Life here though different and sometimes difficult can be beautiful too, but more importantly is being able to see it, and then to share it with the ones I love.