Scapegoats and Stupidity

Death drowns in the river
where we pushed it in.
That's it for death!
We have sent death away
from the village for now.

Summer is coming,
bringing the harvest.
The goddess is coming,
Markana is coming,
bringing the harvest.

--Spring folksong from Bohemia

Today we may scapegoat others, hoping to pin our miseries on them. Even if we have no ritual to meet that need, the human need to find a way out of trouble remains. Where ritual does not sustain us, we fall into habits that can be damaging rather than healing.

Ever had a moment of What was I thinking!. Had one today - had a massive wake up call as a matter of fact. I'm glad I did. Glad and lucky, and blessed by the one that loves me, and by the good people around me.

Scapegoat... having spent the better part of three or four weeks feeling like a scapegoat myself - to blame for each and every little and big thing that happened, went wrong and whatever, and actually starting to buy into that myself - human nature, as ugly as it is, we pass it on, we pass it back, we try and wriggle like a trapped animal to get out of whatever is confining us in the pain and misery in which we find ourselves.

I acted out of that today and stupidly (and embrace the fact that it was stupid after the wake up call for which I am truly grateful), blaming Egypt for all of my troubles instead of accepting my own, active part in my misery, told tptb that I was intending to leave. What was I thinking? Well actually I wasn't. I was reacting like a wounded animal and trying to escape the pain. I recognise that now... maybe even in the back of my mind recognised it then, but was unable to resist that hurt part of me until - challenged - everything broke apart and I realised what an idiot I was being. I was very lucky I could do something about that part of it at least, straight away and undo at least a part of my stupidity. Hopefully I can begin to undo the other negativity as well. Perhaps I need some kind of ritual, some kind of recognition of and then letting go of some of those things for which I feel and have felt like a scapegoat, by which I feel frustrated or upset, or any one of a hundred other things that I have felt of late.

Anyway, it is done. I will stay perhaps finally find peace; finally realise the experience that this was meant to be, not the one that I have made it to be in pandering to my fears and struggles and other essentially negative things - and perhaps also remember that I'm not a scapegoat, and neither is anyone or anything else.