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I Want To Be A Fleck Of Gold
Jun. 22nd, 2011 08:11 pmFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
For what is there to do but grow in the open and wait.
Happenings and feelings from today (Tuesday – had LJ issues and couldn't post):
I found myself heading a school with a very familiar name today – and later realised that it was a double whammy because it was also DKs old stomping grounds. I looked at the map before I left, was sure I knew where I was going, as I didn't want to get lost (I'm good at doing that). By the time I thought I should have come up on the road it was on, I still hadn't seen the school, so I pulled out my phone to go online and recheck the address as I walked, but it wouldn't connect. Then I looked up, and noticed that the school was right there in front of me.
I hurried home. I'm eager to get home, always am; to be able to get around the distance between Mir and I. Spending the time together is important to me, to both of us, I know. There's not a moment goes by when I don't miss her; think of her; case in point – the relevance of the name of the school, the first though I thought when I got the call – the same name as a school she attended. Does that make me sappy? I don't think so. She's my guy and she makes me happy.
I posted a poem the other day, something that hit me as I got the awakening thought of the day, about being heard and felt – about one of the many reasons that I love my guy – because she does listen and feel me… but she said she needs to listen better. Of the two of us she listens the best. She strengthens me, she nurtures me, she helps me to grow.
I hope I can do the same for her, but I know that I don't do well enough, and that makes me feel pretty worthless actually. I've been pushing the feeling of that away for the last few days. And as much as I am working on being the wife I need to be, sometimes and I'm clumsy and stupid, and I'm feeling that I'm never quite reaching there… I'm given these gifts, and I take them freely, but even in trying to give back all I seem to do is take. I can't let that continue.
So I trying to grow 'open,' to be open… but it's hard to wait, wondering if I'm ever going to manage it well enough to give my wonderful 'husband' what is needed.
I looked a hundred times and all I saw was dust. The sun broke through and flecks of gold filled the air.
For what is there to do but grow in the open and wait.
Happenings and feelings from today (Tuesday – had LJ issues and couldn't post):
I found myself heading a school with a very familiar name today – and later realised that it was a double whammy because it was also DKs old stomping grounds. I looked at the map before I left, was sure I knew where I was going, as I didn't want to get lost (I'm good at doing that). By the time I thought I should have come up on the road it was on, I still hadn't seen the school, so I pulled out my phone to go online and recheck the address as I walked, but it wouldn't connect. Then I looked up, and noticed that the school was right there in front of me.
I hurried home. I'm eager to get home, always am; to be able to get around the distance between Mir and I. Spending the time together is important to me, to both of us, I know. There's not a moment goes by when I don't miss her; think of her; case in point – the relevance of the name of the school, the first though I thought when I got the call – the same name as a school she attended. Does that make me sappy? I don't think so. She's my guy and she makes me happy.
I posted a poem the other day, something that hit me as I got the awakening thought of the day, about being heard and felt – about one of the many reasons that I love my guy – because she does listen and feel me… but she said she needs to listen better. Of the two of us she listens the best. She strengthens me, she nurtures me, she helps me to grow.
I hope I can do the same for her, but I know that I don't do well enough, and that makes me feel pretty worthless actually. I've been pushing the feeling of that away for the last few days. And as much as I am working on being the wife I need to be, sometimes and I'm clumsy and stupid, and I'm feeling that I'm never quite reaching there… I'm given these gifts, and I take them freely, but even in trying to give back all I seem to do is take. I can't let that continue.
So I trying to grow 'open,' to be open… but it's hard to wait, wondering if I'm ever going to manage it well enough to give my wonderful 'husband' what is needed.
