Revelation Act 2

Title: Revelation
Rating: NC-17 (adult readers) due to S.L.V
WARNING: Act 1 contains non-con - may be triggering
Spoilers: Some spoilers for S1-4
Summary: On the brink of death, Todd risks an untested serum and is thrust into a spiral of madness and instinct. Meanwhile, Kenny must persuade the inhospitable Wraith Sentinels to transfer the Queen's young to the Nursery facility. On Atlantis, Haddad continues the desperate race to save Keller, that may lead her to follow Beckett into the deepest peril she has yet faced. (WARNING: Contains Non-con essential to the story.)
Disclaimer: MGM own Stargate: Atlantis. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no revenue is being made from copyright material. No infrigement intended.

Acts 1 & 2 now available.

Author's Note: Look guys, the rating says it all, but I'll spell it out. This contains explicit scenes, and the non-con warning appears at the header of the Act's page below the image, and on the Atlantis home page. You HAVE been warned. Many thanks gospikey for hard work in Beta.

Previous Episodes:
Harm's Way (1), Chain of Command (2), Enmity (3), Mantle (4), In Truth... Freedom (5), Letting Go (6), Beyond the Third (7), Deliverance (8), No Way Back, (9) Apostasy (10) and Crossing Lines (11) can be accessed here.

Acceptance

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

In a world that lives like a fist
mercy is no more than waking
with your hands open.

...I can see now that the real challenge is surrender, for all of us, is not just letting go-but letting go of something we yearn for.

I had a terrible time with today's thoughts/meditations/excersise. I sat and stared at the text, reading it over and over again, and nothing would come - nothing struck me. Nothing made sense to include in a post about letting go.

Sure, I could have written about insecurity, and how, through my own personal insecurity I cling to those I love and care about because, if I let them go, even for a moment, they'll disappear up in smoke and I'll never see them again... but I'm already working on that... slowly, and through a lot of pain, but I'm working on it. Wasn't it in Jonathan Livingstone Seagul that the quote says, If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours; if it does not, then it never was. right?

I could have written about yearning to rediscover myself and my faith, in life, in love and in humanity - but my hands are well and truly open on that one, and still nothing comes, though things are easier... at least a little.

So I ask myself, what is it that I yearn for, still, in my relationship... what is a big part of myself for which I yearn for acceptance... two answers spring to mind, one of which I've already touched on - my faith... and the other... writing.

Ironically as I was trying to decide this we started having a conversation about punctuation - the conversation got rather heated, and actually was described as an 'argument' (which we rarely do... heated discussions yes; argument's... never.

I'm mentioned somewhere else in this journal the day in Italy, when I was reading letters to her that I had written for her, and she told me I write well... and how good that made me feel, but other things. No... and so, because I yearn so much for her acceptance, let alone her approval in such things it became something I don't share. I rarely talk about it, even more rarely show her or read anything to her. I hold on to it and keep it to myself.

I keep it to myself, and I can already hear you asking, if that's the case how could you get her approval/acceptance? She never sees it - so you see, by 'holding on to it' I'm creating my own prison, my own yearning... but this...

...this is one step that's doubly hard because I'm already insecure about it all.

When I first saw the title of today's entry, (Let Go of the Rice), I laughed, because it sounded like one of those 'things heard in this house' moments. Now... now it sounds like a deep wisdom that I don't know how to reach.