Asking For Help

[cedar_grove]

Strong warriors pray to Anahita
for strong horses. Strong women
pray to Anahita for strong babes.
Priests pray to Anahita for wisdom,
and girls pray for easy births, vigorous
husbands, and the richest fields.
Ardvi Sura Anahita flows
like a rever through our lives.
We do not wish her waters
ever to stand still. We pray
always for the waters of the goddess
to flow freely. And we pray too
that what should be dry, remains dry,
that everything stays in its place,
that everything is as it should be.

--Prayer to Persian goddess Anahita

The order the goddess represents is a fluid one, the order of cycles rather than lines, of change rather than permanance.

Grant o Goddess thy fluid presence, that your change, like a river, might bring me closer to those I love; my bring us closer to those things that we strive for, that the negative changes that have occured might be undone by the application of self, and becoming - through love.

The thoughs of change, have been much on my mind not just today, but of late... for many weeks. I have striven to change away from the unhelpful changes that have become a part of me... now I am faced with thoughts and choices and more change. I'm feeling somewhat unwell with the constant flux. Just when I believe I'm getting somewhere, just when I'm starting to feel that things are getting better there will be something to show me that I'm wrong, that it isn't enough if anything at all. I need supporting in this, only I don't know what I need, so how can I ask for it. I feel my self criticism more keenly by the day, and wind myself in frustration every time I screw up, every time I do the same thing over and over again. And it is 'every' time too - not just once in a while, and that makes me feel so stupid and worthless and un-everything. I truly do hate myself right now. And if I don't know love for self how can I show love for others.

So I need help... and I am appealing for help in every way, verbal, non verbal (like a kid, acting out sometimes too), and in a spiritual way of the Lord and Lady as I repeat...

Grant o Goddess thy fluid presence, that your change, like a river, might bring me closer to those I love; my bring us closer to those things that we strive for, that the negative changes that have occured might be undone by the application of self, and becoming - through love.

Comments

[mirrani.livejournal.com]

as I read this I can't help but thinking if all this happens to give us a better Hawaii. maybe it's why all this is happening, so we can spend 4 days at sea missing the Breeder's Cup and understanding each other again and being that romantic couple that we /are/ when we're together in the times when we're not...