Healing Energies For Zelenka

[cedar_grove]

I am the womb
of every hope
I am the fire
of every season
I am the queen
of every hive
I am the tomb
of every life

I am a drop
of morning dew
I am a star
in the evening sky
I am the light
by which you read
I am a word
in this very book

--Welsh bardic incantations

By looking. Looking everywhere, looking at each moment. She has never left us; we have never left her. She is here in this precious moment as surely as she has ever been.

At the moment I feel lost. I've just been sitting here for ten or fifteen minutes, thinking back over the day, over the moments where I could have believed that spark of divinity - that spark of what makes me who I was, (who I am, still, somewhere inside), where was it evident...? When did I show it? And I so stuck inside myself that I can't see outside to that single, simple truth that would bring me back to where I need to be to find the path to find myself again?

I know right now I'm sitting in the middle of a downward spiral of feeling sorry for myself, and that I need to give myself a kick up the pants and stop that. It's not helping. But I'm human, I recognise that. However, I need to find that strength again - I thought I'd begun to make my way once more. Evidently not enough - so I will keep trying, working with the Goddess in these meditations. Improve all those things I need to. I will give my true self to the world again.

Today has been hard. Caught between the knowledge of letting down the most important person in my life - and not being able to help, but from a distance and that not being good enough has done little for my self esteem - which god knows as insecure and needy as I appreciate that I am, isn't helpful.

Our little Zelenka is sick and hurting, the infection on his face got to be so big that now the vet has cleaned it out, the wound is very deep - he practically has no face on the one side, and a flap of dead skin he keeps disturbing when he washes. I've been trying to send him distance healing. Have turned a tube I have into a 'representation' that I can hold in my hands and send little burst of healing energy... little and often... send my thoughts and prayers out into the universe so that he can get well again... Her presence in that, perhaps. I will continue to do this... little burst every hour or so every day as often as I can. I want him to get well.