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cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
…we hunt after goals and hide from what we or others perceive as failure.
I think the last part of the above statement has to be what annoys me the most about people… that we (and I'm including myself in it – to do anything else would be dishonest) make judgements and perceptions about the achievements of others.
I try not to – honestly I do – because I hate when other people do it to me… you didn't… or you only… or even the most helpful, why don't you… kind of comments that we pass back and forth between us in everyday conversations, and even when we're trying to offer support or advice.
Because let's face it, who am I to judge anyone else, and who are they to judge me? Worse still if we don't actually understand the other person completely or what they're trying to do… so yeah, I try not to judge the achievements of others as either successes or failures, and I try to encourage others in a none suggestion/judgemental way… but I know I don't often succeed – if at all… because we've been raised by society to have such expectations of what constitutes success and what does not.
To society, I'm a failure, I guess… (don’t feel very successful myself right about now either)… I don't have a regular, full time job… why – because I took a stand for something I believed and wanted, against covert bigotry. Could I have found a different job? What – you think I didn't try? I'm old and expensive (because of my experience). Schools want NQTs because they're cheap and 'mouldable' – back to politics again. Ironically though, now at least, with budgets being what they are more schools are advertising only temporary positions. Shouldn't be happy about it really, but if Hawaii is a go and I really hope it is – and will be doing all that I can to contribute to make it happen, once I get some work sorted out – then I'll need to be out during the school year… and over here, that's a no-no. Don't allow teachers to do anything unless it's outside of school time… not even get married.
This is where I can almost hear the shouts echoing across the country. Those that start with: "Teachers?! Easy life!" and where people start quoting all those 'holidays' that we get… and that we only work from 9 to 3, (I wish). They don't see the flip side of all that… the fact that 9 to 3 actually is closer to 8 to midnight, once you factor in all the planning and marking – once you factor in the fact that we can't leave work at work, because even on the days we're not marking or planning, we're still doing it in our heads because we care about the kids in our care. The don't see that yes, we get about 13 weeks when we don't have to go to work – but again, planning, preparation, and the fact that at those times of year travel industries are rubbing their hands together and saying, "Eh up, kids are out, let's hike the prices by about 40%." Honestly, I tell you, as a sub, if I fly even one or two days before school kicks out for the holidays, the cost of the flight is hundreds of pounds different to if I actually have to fly in school vacation time.
Boy, did I ever digress…
Me… failure… no job… yes, that's how that little side trip took place. And I do feel it right now, with not being able to give the support and contribution, financially and otherwise that Mir and my relationship needs. I'm working on doing everything I can to make that happen. I know the pressure I put on Mir, and I hate that I do that. I love that she's my guy, and protecting and providing and all of that – wouldn't take that away from her or change it for all the world… but we're married, and I need to be protecting and providing for my guy too. It's how it works. So, I'll the what I can, as I can, the best I can, and yeah, I know I'll get looked at and some people will still find me wanting, and a failure, and all that… I can only do what I can do… the people that matter know that… the others, though their comments and judgements hurt, because I'm only human, maybe need to take a look at their own perfect selves.
To them, I ask: does it make you feel better to know that you put your own shortcomings and failures on me?
If to hunt or hide is twin-edged madness, then faith's the courage to risk and receive.
I close my eyes and am impaled by light...
--Robert Mason
…we hunt after goals and hide from what we or others perceive as failure.
I think the last part of the above statement has to be what annoys me the most about people… that we (and I'm including myself in it – to do anything else would be dishonest) make judgements and perceptions about the achievements of others.
I try not to – honestly I do – because I hate when other people do it to me… you didn't… or you only… or even the most helpful, why don't you… kind of comments that we pass back and forth between us in everyday conversations, and even when we're trying to offer support or advice.
Because let's face it, who am I to judge anyone else, and who are they to judge me? Worse still if we don't actually understand the other person completely or what they're trying to do… so yeah, I try not to judge the achievements of others as either successes or failures, and I try to encourage others in a none suggestion/judgemental way… but I know I don't often succeed – if at all… because we've been raised by society to have such expectations of what constitutes success and what does not.
To society, I'm a failure, I guess… (don’t feel very successful myself right about now either)… I don't have a regular, full time job… why – because I took a stand for something I believed and wanted, against covert bigotry. Could I have found a different job? What – you think I didn't try? I'm old and expensive (because of my experience). Schools want NQTs because they're cheap and 'mouldable' – back to politics again. Ironically though, now at least, with budgets being what they are more schools are advertising only temporary positions. Shouldn't be happy about it really, but if Hawaii is a go and I really hope it is – and will be doing all that I can to contribute to make it happen, once I get some work sorted out – then I'll need to be out during the school year… and over here, that's a no-no. Don't allow teachers to do anything unless it's outside of school time… not even get married.
This is where I can almost hear the shouts echoing across the country. Those that start with: "Teachers?! Easy life!" and where people start quoting all those 'holidays' that we get… and that we only work from 9 to 3, (I wish). They don't see the flip side of all that… the fact that 9 to 3 actually is closer to 8 to midnight, once you factor in all the planning and marking – once you factor in the fact that we can't leave work at work, because even on the days we're not marking or planning, we're still doing it in our heads because we care about the kids in our care. The don't see that yes, we get about 13 weeks when we don't have to go to work – but again, planning, preparation, and the fact that at those times of year travel industries are rubbing their hands together and saying, "Eh up, kids are out, let's hike the prices by about 40%." Honestly, I tell you, as a sub, if I fly even one or two days before school kicks out for the holidays, the cost of the flight is hundreds of pounds different to if I actually have to fly in school vacation time.
Boy, did I ever digress…
Me… failure… no job… yes, that's how that little side trip took place. And I do feel it right now, with not being able to give the support and contribution, financially and otherwise that Mir and my relationship needs. I'm working on doing everything I can to make that happen. I know the pressure I put on Mir, and I hate that I do that. I love that she's my guy, and protecting and providing and all of that – wouldn't take that away from her or change it for all the world… but we're married, and I need to be protecting and providing for my guy too. It's how it works. So, I'll the what I can, as I can, the best I can, and yeah, I know I'll get looked at and some people will still find me wanting, and a failure, and all that… I can only do what I can do… the people that matter know that… the others, though their comments and judgements hurt, because I'm only human, maybe need to take a look at their own perfect selves.
To them, I ask: does it make you feel better to know that you put your own shortcomings and failures on me?
