My Husk Makes Me A Turtle.
Sep. 20th, 2011 05:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
Since none of us can control or time the ripening of our sweetness, we can only try not to define ourselves by all that covers us…
I have my moments. Moments when I dare to peek out from the husk that covers me, that I've drawn around me as an unnecessary protection, and it is unnecessary, because emotionally I've never been in a more secure and loving environment… (even if the love is sometimes of the 'tough' variety.
In such moments I remember who I am and just act – just be. The words pour untempered and certainly uncensored from my heart and out through my lips and they are every part of them true. Such are not the moments that concern me, these are the moments that delight me, and bring me relief… but I suppose I shouldn't get too complacent. It's too easy to behave like a turtle and slip back inside my shielding husk. I should be stronger and resist the temptation to move backwards.
But I take things personally, and I turtle up, even knowing rationally that there is no need to take things badly, but I do and then in a vicious circle I carry it with me to inform 'the next time' I hear something that my own conscience feels is my fault, and so the turtling perpetuates itself, and the sweetness is still trapped inside. It's nobody's fault either, btw, it just is. Just as children often take after someone else in their family - the whole nature vs nurture argument again, it just is what it is.
So I try and weigh the negative and the positive together so that they might balance each other out… help me keep an even keel, so that I can poke my head out a bit more, every now and then, because even I feel better then… so others must too.
The bodies are perishable,
But the Dweller in these bodies is eternal.
-Bhagavad-Gita
Since none of us can control or time the ripening of our sweetness, we can only try not to define ourselves by all that covers us…
I have my moments. Moments when I dare to peek out from the husk that covers me, that I've drawn around me as an unnecessary protection, and it is unnecessary, because emotionally I've never been in a more secure and loving environment… (even if the love is sometimes of the 'tough' variety.
In such moments I remember who I am and just act – just be. The words pour untempered and certainly uncensored from my heart and out through my lips and they are every part of them true. Such are not the moments that concern me, these are the moments that delight me, and bring me relief… but I suppose I shouldn't get too complacent. It's too easy to behave like a turtle and slip back inside my shielding husk. I should be stronger and resist the temptation to move backwards.
But I take things personally, and I turtle up, even knowing rationally that there is no need to take things badly, but I do and then in a vicious circle I carry it with me to inform 'the next time' I hear something that my own conscience feels is my fault, and so the turtling perpetuates itself, and the sweetness is still trapped inside. It's nobody's fault either, btw, it just is. Just as children often take after someone else in their family - the whole nature vs nurture argument again, it just is what it is.
So I try and weigh the negative and the positive together so that they might balance each other out… help me keep an even keel, so that I can poke my head out a bit more, every now and then, because even I feel better then… so others must too.
