To Feel Your Love
Jun. 19th, 2011 09:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
…our heart must stay unobstructed for the next feeling we encounter.
Shadows… as people I think we carry around the shadows of feelings far too much. I know I'm guilty of that more than most people. I don't mean I hold grudges, or anything like that, just that feelings linger in my heart well past the time that I should let them go, and then, as the above quote suggests, having 'room' for the next feeling is hard.
On the other hand there are things I want to hold on to: most of all the feeling of being loved and wanted – needed, (and I mean that in a good way). It's sad to say that there are very few people that actually kindle that feeling in my heart, and even then it's a fight against my own insecurities… which manifests in me being a 'needy' person myself. I hate when I get like that. I'm sure insecurities are just leftover feelings that have 'gone bad' inside one's heart.
The one person that consistently blesses me with the sharing of those good feelings, of know I'm loved, wanted and needed is my wonderful husband, my guy… who, even in ways that other people wouldn't see as such, I'm sure, lets me know that I'm loved. It's in the challenge; rather than just smothering me in 'there there dear.' It's in those times we're together and can just curl up and be. It's in the fact that she is always there for me, even when I'm so shut up inside of myself that I can't see past my own nose. I know these things and feel them, and the fact that I want to hear the words, 'I love you' sometimes makes me frustrated with myself, because they're already there in everything else, and that need is just my 'neediness' manifesting itself.
I'm blessed that it's so – for many people it isn't, for many couples it isn't. I worry that I don't show enough the other way… that I don't reflect that I feel loved. I don't know if that makes sense.
So… I need to empty to be full again… to reflect what I need to reflect, to be what I need to be. I took a walk to the store. The sky was dark, black… it was just raining in the air and dad called to me to take a brolly. I called back, no… I didn't want to… and all the way to the store the rain came down on me. It was only rain and I didn't mind… in fact, I liked it. Somehow… it made the distance less.
Because I felt the distance today… feeling it more and more as days go past… we were supposed to go out, mum and I. I didn't feel like it, but I went… and I did have a good time, but I wanted to be home, to be 'with' my guy, as much as I can.
I want to be with the one that loves me… that shows me love, and makes me feel wanted, and needed, and loved.
This night will pass...
Then we have work to do...
Everything has to do
with loving and not loving...
--Rumi
…our heart must stay unobstructed for the next feeling we encounter.
Shadows… as people I think we carry around the shadows of feelings far too much. I know I'm guilty of that more than most people. I don't mean I hold grudges, or anything like that, just that feelings linger in my heart well past the time that I should let them go, and then, as the above quote suggests, having 'room' for the next feeling is hard.
On the other hand there are things I want to hold on to: most of all the feeling of being loved and wanted – needed, (and I mean that in a good way). It's sad to say that there are very few people that actually kindle that feeling in my heart, and even then it's a fight against my own insecurities… which manifests in me being a 'needy' person myself. I hate when I get like that. I'm sure insecurities are just leftover feelings that have 'gone bad' inside one's heart.
The one person that consistently blesses me with the sharing of those good feelings, of know I'm loved, wanted and needed is my wonderful husband, my guy… who, even in ways that other people wouldn't see as such, I'm sure, lets me know that I'm loved. It's in the challenge; rather than just smothering me in 'there there dear.' It's in those times we're together and can just curl up and be. It's in the fact that she is always there for me, even when I'm so shut up inside of myself that I can't see past my own nose. I know these things and feel them, and the fact that I want to hear the words, 'I love you' sometimes makes me frustrated with myself, because they're already there in everything else, and that need is just my 'neediness' manifesting itself.
I'm blessed that it's so – for many people it isn't, for many couples it isn't. I worry that I don't show enough the other way… that I don't reflect that I feel loved. I don't know if that makes sense.
So… I need to empty to be full again… to reflect what I need to reflect, to be what I need to be. I took a walk to the store. The sky was dark, black… it was just raining in the air and dad called to me to take a brolly. I called back, no… I didn't want to… and all the way to the store the rain came down on me. It was only rain and I didn't mind… in fact, I liked it. Somehow… it made the distance less.
Because I felt the distance today… feeling it more and more as days go past… we were supposed to go out, mum and I. I didn't feel like it, but I went… and I did have a good time, but I wanted to be home, to be 'with' my guy, as much as I can.
I want to be with the one that loves me… that shows me love, and makes me feel wanted, and needed, and loved.
