Limitations
Mar. 20th, 2011 05:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cedar_groveFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
We are all frail. We all make mistakes. We all fall prey to a thousand emotions and exaggerations. But these things make us rich, not weak - if we are wiling to face them squarely. In truth, it is not the issue of our humanity that defeats us, but rather our refusal to accept who we are and to live accordingly, limitations included.
If the above holds true, then I must be a multi-millionaire. Each day I go through is a journey through those thousand emotions... one moment I can feel at peace, another feel as though I am coming apart, and it can take a single word, a single though or image to switch from one state to another. I have little choice but to face them honestly because they are so overwhelming - but I do not always face them /honestly/... and in that is my refusal to accept... it is that which defeats me.
Take yesterday (the day from which this entry was taken), my day was calm enough, though busy. I was actually doing reasonably well with multitasking for a change - at least I thought so... and then I had a collosal fail.
I mis-spoke something because I spoke of it only from my perspective, my viewpoint, and to be fair, how else could I have seen it. A video feed had frozen during noisy credits, but I could still hear an audio feed. I made an incorrect assumption, and when asked if everything was working okay, I said yes. In point of fact it wasn't. Anyway, condensing facts, because I had said yes, and others emotions and frustrations were involved, I was accused of lying, therefore got defensive, therefore shut down... my usual failings, and in the end, after a long chain of cause and effect, ended up crying in front of my computer because I coudn't not express my pain. It really wasn't that big of a deal, and I don't say this to cast anyone in the role of right or wrongdoer. We are who we are and each react out of our own experience. That's the honest truth. No matter how good and caring and compassionate we are, that personal honest reaction is still there and I'd rather it were than it were not, even if it causes me temporary upset.
Thusly I accept others for who they are... now, if only I could do the same for myself. Does the fact that I cannot seem to represent one of my own limitations?
Our strength will continue if we allow
ourselves the courage to feel scared,
weak, and vulnerable.
-Melody Beattie
We are all frail. We all make mistakes. We all fall prey to a thousand emotions and exaggerations. But these things make us rich, not weak - if we are wiling to face them squarely. In truth, it is not the issue of our humanity that defeats us, but rather our refusal to accept who we are and to live accordingly, limitations included.
If the above holds true, then I must be a multi-millionaire. Each day I go through is a journey through those thousand emotions... one moment I can feel at peace, another feel as though I am coming apart, and it can take a single word, a single though or image to switch from one state to another. I have little choice but to face them honestly because they are so overwhelming - but I do not always face them /honestly/... and in that is my refusal to accept... it is that which defeats me.
Take yesterday (the day from which this entry was taken), my day was calm enough, though busy. I was actually doing reasonably well with multitasking for a change - at least I thought so... and then I had a collosal fail.
I mis-spoke something because I spoke of it only from my perspective, my viewpoint, and to be fair, how else could I have seen it. A video feed had frozen during noisy credits, but I could still hear an audio feed. I made an incorrect assumption, and when asked if everything was working okay, I said yes. In point of fact it wasn't. Anyway, condensing facts, because I had said yes, and others emotions and frustrations were involved, I was accused of lying, therefore got defensive, therefore shut down... my usual failings, and in the end, after a long chain of cause and effect, ended up crying in front of my computer because I coudn't not express my pain. It really wasn't that big of a deal, and I don't say this to cast anyone in the role of right or wrongdoer. We are who we are and each react out of our own experience. That's the honest truth. No matter how good and caring and compassionate we are, that personal honest reaction is still there and I'd rather it were than it were not, even if it causes me temporary upset.
Thusly I accept others for who they are... now, if only I could do the same for myself. Does the fact that I cannot seem to represent one of my own limitations?
