Responsibility

[cedar_grove]

From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.

I felt angry toward my friend.
I told my wrath. My wrath did end
I felt angry toward my foe.
I told him not. My wrath did grow.

Often, we spend so much time waiting for the other to catch on and see our pain, getting more and more frustrated and wounded the longer they don't. But this is the definition of a limitation: not being able to see what is obvious.

So, while we dread voicing our fears and hurts to one another, love has no way of being acted on without something truthful to respond to.

I call to mind today the last time it happened that I dared to voice a fear, a hurt that was inside, (though I confess it was not without prompting)... This is something that has been missing from our relationship for a long time, mostly because of my insecurities... but... on this occasion, moved to tears, and asked - I spoke.

Mir was talking about giving up participating in something that we share. The disappointment I felt at this was like a kick in the gut. True enough, as she pointed out, we still had another similar thing that we shared, but there's a difference. It's a subtle difference and probably doesn't even mean all that much to anyone outside of myself... but... that which she thought to give up was something that she shares with me, that was originally an interest of mine that she began to share. That which we still have is something that she brought me to, (and I should point out here that I do so happily, and wouldn't change it for the world

At the time, I simply said that I was upset by the thought because it was something that we share... I still couldn't voice the whole of it... but at least I made a start.

Comments

[mirrani.livejournal.com]

I was glad you said something even if I couldn't understand the difference between hanging on to something I wasn't doing, something that had become too hard for me, and following the rules of the game. To me, breaking the rules for the sake of our relationship.. it's a favoritism. And that is what's pushing me away more than anything, I guess... Though I really don't know. These voices inside my head are... pesky at best.