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Finding the Centre
Nov. 16th, 2011 02:29 amFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
In that moment I learned that everything is right where we are. No matter our pain or distress, all of life is in whatever moment we wake to. I could clearly see and feel how our fear of death makes us run, though there is nowhere to go. Yet mysteriously, I learned that there's a ring of peace at the center of every fear, if we can only get to it.
Today has been one of those up and downy, feeling fine then feeling like a scared kid... an I can do this-oh my god what the hell am I doing, kind of day. Birmingham airport is a tiny place, and very boring – too much time to sit and think and dwell on what ifs... and the half hour delay didn't help either... but by the time I got to Amsterdam, I was calm again – ready to come out here and face the future and all that.
Then we landed in Cairo. It's one of those airports where you get off the plane and onto a bus back to the terminal, so when we got there and there was no one waving a sign that said Cairo English School – like there were for other people and organisations – the panic started to set in again... but I pulled myself together, got my visa and went through passport control into the massive crowds of people all waiting for friends and relatives, still looking for that magic sign that said Cairo English School. Eventually I found the sign, and the man, and having checked everything was legit, went with him and drove to the hotel. It was really a much longer drive than I expected it would be... which started to make me feel a little bit squirrely again... I think I would have been more at ease if it had been light instead of dark, but finally we got to the hotel, and he was very helpful – particularly in light of the communication issue. That's gonna be the big on for me that disrupts the calm at the centre – unless and until I learn a little more Arabic I guess I'm also going to feel a little bit insecure and afraid.
I meet my class tomorrow. And meet folks at the school, so hopefully I'll be finding that calm centre again... or reaching it more deeply. Right now though, I'm hoping I'll find calm enough to get some sleep. It's been a very busy day.
In the end, everyone is aware of this:
nobody keeps any of what he has,
and life is only borrowing of bones.
--Pablo Neruda
In that moment I learned that everything is right where we are. No matter our pain or distress, all of life is in whatever moment we wake to. I could clearly see and feel how our fear of death makes us run, though there is nowhere to go. Yet mysteriously, I learned that there's a ring of peace at the center of every fear, if we can only get to it.
Today has been one of those up and downy, feeling fine then feeling like a scared kid... an I can do this-oh my god what the hell am I doing, kind of day. Birmingham airport is a tiny place, and very boring – too much time to sit and think and dwell on what ifs... and the half hour delay didn't help either... but by the time I got to Amsterdam, I was calm again – ready to come out here and face the future and all that.
Then we landed in Cairo. It's one of those airports where you get off the plane and onto a bus back to the terminal, so when we got there and there was no one waving a sign that said Cairo English School – like there were for other people and organisations – the panic started to set in again... but I pulled myself together, got my visa and went through passport control into the massive crowds of people all waiting for friends and relatives, still looking for that magic sign that said Cairo English School. Eventually I found the sign, and the man, and having checked everything was legit, went with him and drove to the hotel. It was really a much longer drive than I expected it would be... which started to make me feel a little bit squirrely again... I think I would have been more at ease if it had been light instead of dark, but finally we got to the hotel, and he was very helpful – particularly in light of the communication issue. That's gonna be the big on for me that disrupts the calm at the centre – unless and until I learn a little more Arabic I guess I'm also going to feel a little bit insecure and afraid.
I meet my class tomorrow. And meet folks at the school, so hopefully I'll be finding that calm centre again... or reaching it more deeply. Right now though, I'm hoping I'll find calm enough to get some sleep. It's been a very busy day.
