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It's Not My Fault
Jun. 29th, 2011 11:27 pmFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
By admitting our weakness, we lay down all the masks we show the world...
Beautiful bright sunny day, and I felt like a big black cloud this morning. I love my mum, I really do, but sometimes she can be so abrupt, so caustic that it's painful – demoralising… and that's exactly how I felt this morning. It's this knack she has – or a weakness of mine or something, being intimidated by Mum, (and Dad too).
She knows what's going on at the bank, of course she does, and genuinely interested she asked how long it was going to take for the investigation and stuff, and when I told her – just as I was going out of the door, this is, when she asked, - she came out with a comment about how and who I'd have to ask for help. It made me feel about three years old, and/or incredibly stupid… well no, that's not technically true, not stupid more… as if it were my fault – as if I asked for this to happen to me.
It's been a long time since I've walked around feeling like I could just stand and cry, but that's been the way I've been feeling. Life throws curves, I get that, and I also know that it's not the end of the world, and that those that love me will take care of me until it all gets sorted out, but today, I was having a bit of a case of the 'why me?' Today, my heartfelt prayer was for something to actually go right for once.
Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul.
It is a daily admission of one's weakness...
And so, it is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
--Gandhi
By admitting our weakness, we lay down all the masks we show the world...
Beautiful bright sunny day, and I felt like a big black cloud this morning. I love my mum, I really do, but sometimes she can be so abrupt, so caustic that it's painful – demoralising… and that's exactly how I felt this morning. It's this knack she has – or a weakness of mine or something, being intimidated by Mum, (and Dad too).
She knows what's going on at the bank, of course she does, and genuinely interested she asked how long it was going to take for the investigation and stuff, and when I told her – just as I was going out of the door, this is, when she asked, - she came out with a comment about how and who I'd have to ask for help. It made me feel about three years old, and/or incredibly stupid… well no, that's not technically true, not stupid more… as if it were my fault – as if I asked for this to happen to me.
It's been a long time since I've walked around feeling like I could just stand and cry, but that's been the way I've been feeling. Life throws curves, I get that, and I also know that it's not the end of the world, and that those that love me will take care of me until it all gets sorted out, but today, I was having a bit of a case of the 'why me?' Today, my heartfelt prayer was for something to actually go right for once.
