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Being There
Mar. 16th, 2011 10:34 pmFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
In fact, I've come to see that much of my confusion in life comes from giving my attention to the next thing too soon, and then wrapping new experience in the remnants of feeling that are not finished with me.
I think I'm like this... mostly because I don't give myself time to feel many things fully, and often feel that having an emotional response to a lot of things is inappropriate anyway. I still do though, and then I push them away or smother them down, or indulge in them quickly - almost like a kid stealing a candy and swallowing it down whole before anyone can see.
As a result, my emotional self probably looks a bit like an ball of yarn that's been gotten at by the kitten - chewed and tangled... frayed at the edges.
I came to some conclusions today while thinking about this, and about some things I've been feeling today - and some of the feelings to which I did exactly what I've just described above.
I've been feeling a little bit restless and downhearted in the area of creativity of late... reading a forum that once was a home from home, I feel like I don't fit in any more, because I 'diverged' in a big way, and while they're welcoming and accepting, bless them - it's /me/ that doesn't feel right... somehow. And that feeling makes me feel a little sad, lost and 'homeless' because the corner of the formum specifically dedicated to my particular interest is pretty much dead and buried.
Then on top of feeling that, I read something at facebook that gave me a moment of 'ouch.' I was jealous in a way, of a close family member being supportive of her fiancee and his creative works, and felt even more isolated and unsupported in my own. But then, hard on the heels of that thought I had the 'How dare I feel this way - this isn't meant to be about me, move on!' response... pushes the feeling deep inside, and tried to forget about it. I should be - and am - touched, moved by the love that shows in that act of support. The two make a wonderful couple and I'm very happy for them, and very proud of them both each for their own endeavours.
But my 'heart creaks' and still... like a little child... seeking approval and support, I felt a little sad for myself - and that's just plain selfish.
In the grand scheme of things it's all pretty plain selfish right now, considering the troubles others in the world are suffering. I don't really mean anything with my trivial concerns, but my heart needs to be untangled so that I can let it shine with empathy again. That's what this world needs...
because when the 'wind' stops blowing...
the 'trees' are still moving.
And those in the world need the touch of a compassionate heart.
When the wind stops,
the trees still move,
the way my heart creaks
long after it bends.
In fact, I've come to see that much of my confusion in life comes from giving my attention to the next thing too soon, and then wrapping new experience in the remnants of feeling that are not finished with me.
I think I'm like this... mostly because I don't give myself time to feel many things fully, and often feel that having an emotional response to a lot of things is inappropriate anyway. I still do though, and then I push them away or smother them down, or indulge in them quickly - almost like a kid stealing a candy and swallowing it down whole before anyone can see.
As a result, my emotional self probably looks a bit like an ball of yarn that's been gotten at by the kitten - chewed and tangled... frayed at the edges.
I came to some conclusions today while thinking about this, and about some things I've been feeling today - and some of the feelings to which I did exactly what I've just described above.
I've been feeling a little bit restless and downhearted in the area of creativity of late... reading a forum that once was a home from home, I feel like I don't fit in any more, because I 'diverged' in a big way, and while they're welcoming and accepting, bless them - it's /me/ that doesn't feel right... somehow. And that feeling makes me feel a little sad, lost and 'homeless' because the corner of the formum specifically dedicated to my particular interest is pretty much dead and buried.
Then on top of feeling that, I read something at facebook that gave me a moment of 'ouch.' I was jealous in a way, of a close family member being supportive of her fiancee and his creative works, and felt even more isolated and unsupported in my own. But then, hard on the heels of that thought I had the 'How dare I feel this way - this isn't meant to be about me, move on!' response... pushes the feeling deep inside, and tried to forget about it. I should be - and am - touched, moved by the love that shows in that act of support. The two make a wonderful couple and I'm very happy for them, and very proud of them both each for their own endeavours.
But my 'heart creaks' and still... like a little child... seeking approval and support, I felt a little sad for myself - and that's just plain selfish.
In the grand scheme of things it's all pretty plain selfish right now, considering the troubles others in the world are suffering. I don't really mean anything with my trivial concerns, but my heart needs to be untangled so that I can let it shine with empathy again. That's what this world needs...
because when the 'wind' stops blowing...
the 'trees' are still moving.
And those in the world need the touch of a compassionate heart.
