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A Moment of Stillness - please.
Feb. 26th, 2011 03:42 pmFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
It seems we run our lives like trains, speeding along a track laid down by others, going so fast that what we pass blurs on by. Then we say we've been there, done that. The truth is that blurring by something is not the same as experiencing it.
Guilty as charged.
Life for me is a constant speeding train, it's the nature of the beast, but it sets a bad 'precedent' for the rest of the way I have to be.
To explain: as a supply teacher, (apart from the end half of the week where I have a fixed contract thingy), I never know whether I'm going to work in the morning - well, rarely anyway. Usually I'll get a phone call between 7am and 7:45am that will be telling me where to go for the day. From that point on, especially when the call comes later rather than earlier, it's a mad dash to get everything together - including myself. So my days begin at this breakneck, 'must get everything done right here right now' kind of speed...
Because of that, my brain is going ten to the dozen anyway with all the things that I want to do in a day, which on any given day might include reading, writing, working out, watching a tv show, etc, etc, etc. THe reality tends to be that if I get anything done at all, it's rarely an experience that I've relished, cherished or otherwise enjoyed. It's become more of a chore, with the 'when can I get this finished' kind of feeling - and nothing gets done well.
Trouble is, I don't know how to slow down. I've tried asking to be given advance notice work where possible, no one listens. No one ever seems to listen to me in that respect... and in my 'free time' there really is so much I want to get done, I feel guilty if I don't get to it, even if it's a piss-poor effort I end up putting in at that end.
It feels like a risk to me to slow down and pick one thing, but... maybe that's what I need to do.
Stop talking, stop thinking,
and there is nothing you will not understand.
-Seng-Ts'an
It seems we run our lives like trains, speeding along a track laid down by others, going so fast that what we pass blurs on by. Then we say we've been there, done that. The truth is that blurring by something is not the same as experiencing it.
Guilty as charged.
Life for me is a constant speeding train, it's the nature of the beast, but it sets a bad 'precedent' for the rest of the way I have to be.
To explain: as a supply teacher, (apart from the end half of the week where I have a fixed contract thingy), I never know whether I'm going to work in the morning - well, rarely anyway. Usually I'll get a phone call between 7am and 7:45am that will be telling me where to go for the day. From that point on, especially when the call comes later rather than earlier, it's a mad dash to get everything together - including myself. So my days begin at this breakneck, 'must get everything done right here right now' kind of speed...
Because of that, my brain is going ten to the dozen anyway with all the things that I want to do in a day, which on any given day might include reading, writing, working out, watching a tv show, etc, etc, etc. THe reality tends to be that if I get anything done at all, it's rarely an experience that I've relished, cherished or otherwise enjoyed. It's become more of a chore, with the 'when can I get this finished' kind of feeling - and nothing gets done well.
Trouble is, I don't know how to slow down. I've tried asking to be given advance notice work where possible, no one listens. No one ever seems to listen to me in that respect... and in my 'free time' there really is so much I want to get done, I feel guilty if I don't get to it, even if it's a piss-poor effort I end up putting in at that end.
It feels like a risk to me to slow down and pick one thing, but... maybe that's what I need to do.
