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cedar_groveOkay so I'm sitting here listening to the combined worries, paranoia.... insecurities of Cedargrove's people. And after the day I've had, an incredibly /long/ day... it's something that's getting to me.
Why do we all feel so much? And how does that make us give so much to everybody else that we forget ourselves? There are a good number of us that are in love with a good number of other people, for whom we would, without question, give /anything/. I'm not talking the crass and cliche, I'd give my life for you, kind of comment, but that real sense of feeling that no cost is too much to give to the one we love, no matter the cost to us; no matter the fact that we're left in pieces that sometimes can't be put back together again.
There's a lot of us that have gotten swept away on those tides that move universes, heedless of the bumps and bruises that we get along the way...
I'm sitting here listening to someone whose... heart is... you know that sense of being totally sure of, and yet at the same time totally /terrified/ to let yourself feel the happiness you want to because your insecurity /knows,/(even if it's not true), that something or someone is going to come along and pull that rug out from under your feet and you'll be /right/ back in the hell you were living before?
It's been like this all day... nah, I take that back, it's been like this for /days,/ only I've not been the one having to deal with it... and I'm not the kind to sit on it like the others. I have to get it out before it starts tearing /me/ apart too... any more than it already has today.
True to form I wish there was something I could do to take away these people's fears, this one in particular. I know I can't... doesn't stop me wanting to try though... maybe selfish... maybe self preservation, I don't know.
I just know that if much more happens... we're gonna come apart. There's honesty for you, the kind of honesty that will get me in a /lot/ of trouble with some Cedargrove members, but nothing I don't think everyone else in their heart of hearts knows already, if they take just thirty seconds out to actually consider all the things going on right now.
They gave me the weekend off. I think I can see why now. Between the tides of one thing and another, and the promises, and the miscommunications... the settlements and the turbulence still out there - it's gonna be a /long/ week.
-cody-
Why do we all feel so much? And how does that make us give so much to everybody else that we forget ourselves? There are a good number of us that are in love with a good number of other people, for whom we would, without question, give /anything/. I'm not talking the crass and cliche, I'd give my life for you, kind of comment, but that real sense of feeling that no cost is too much to give to the one we love, no matter the cost to us; no matter the fact that we're left in pieces that sometimes can't be put back together again.
There's a lot of us that have gotten swept away on those tides that move universes, heedless of the bumps and bruises that we get along the way...
I'm sitting here listening to someone whose... heart is... you know that sense of being totally sure of, and yet at the same time totally /terrified/ to let yourself feel the happiness you want to because your insecurity /knows,/(even if it's not true), that something or someone is going to come along and pull that rug out from under your feet and you'll be /right/ back in the hell you were living before?
It's been like this all day... nah, I take that back, it's been like this for /days,/ only I've not been the one having to deal with it... and I'm not the kind to sit on it like the others. I have to get it out before it starts tearing /me/ apart too... any more than it already has today.
True to form I wish there was something I could do to take away these people's fears, this one in particular. I know I can't... doesn't stop me wanting to try though... maybe selfish... maybe self preservation, I don't know.
I just know that if much more happens... we're gonna come apart. There's honesty for you, the kind of honesty that will get me in a /lot/ of trouble with some Cedargrove members, but nothing I don't think everyone else in their heart of hearts knows already, if they take just thirty seconds out to actually consider all the things going on right now.
They gave me the weekend off. I think I can see why now. Between the tides of one thing and another, and the promises, and the miscommunications... the settlements and the turbulence still out there - it's gonna be a /long/ week.
-cody-
