Can't Always Be In Control

He said, "Pretty maiden, do you stand in need?"
I answered, "Kind sir, you're the man for the deed,
to sow my meadow with wanting seed,
to sow my meadow with wanting seed."

And so he sowed high and he sowed low,
and under my apron the seed did grow,
and it grew so well, and with never a weed,
that I'll always remember the wanting seed.

--British folksong

We must risk being raw and fresh and awkward. For without such openness, life will not penetrate us anew. Unless we open, we will not be filled.

It's all about risk taking. If you don't take risks you don't learn anything. That's what part of being open is about. I don't mean risks in a bad way, I mean risk as it... for example, practising a foreign language that you're learning, or risking playing an instrument even when you're not quite sure of yourself, when other people can hear. that's the kind of risk of 'openness' that helps one to grow, in life... in love... in spirit.

Being open is not so simle as it should be, and for that I have no reason, no matter how much I meditate upon the question. No matter how much I ask myself what I am hiding from myself that is so very terrible. I can't think that there would be anything of the sort, but there is certainly something stopping me from being raw and open. Except perhaps today - when I reacehd the point of not holding back any more and actually got mad... raised my voice - in fact shouted. Didn't really make we feel any better, actually I felt I somewhat belittled myself with losing my temper, and perhaps that's it. Perhaps I ikeep myself under such a tight yoke because I'm afraid of letting go, or I'll lose control... of my temper - of myself....

Maybe I need to accept that I can't control everything.