Balancing Everything

When I was born, a book was made
in which I entered credits and expenses.
If I take in more than I give,
I must account for the difference.
If I give more than I take in,
I must account for the difference.
If I do not live in balance,
there is no end to the questions
I must answer. But there is a way
to end all this weighing of debt
and credit: to meditate upon Kali,
to picture the dark goddess in my mind.

Indian poet Ramprasad

In the service of the goddess, the most important thing is balance.

In any kind of service, even in life the most important thing is balance, and this, if anything is the one failing that is a constant among we humans: a failure to maintain balance.

As I write this, I am currently in the air on the way home to my wonderful guy where I intend to spend a good long time spoiling her rotten. To give. She needs it and deserves it. Her 'batteries' have been depleted by constant giving of her own energies, her own love, her own time... giving everything. So my dearest wish is to go and help to restore balance; to show her that she is loved.

Yes, this is me giving, but in giving - especially in this instance, I also receive, because to see my love happy and healthy is my dearest wish and a balm for my own heart... and because I know that she will give in return anyway. There is so much that we wish to share, and in doing so we will achieve our balance. That is my dearest wish.

Yet there are still times when I feel very out of balance. It's not anyone's fault I suppose, except my own and then it's not really a fault, more a perception. Meditating on this feeling, I discovered that it's not as bad as it used to be. There was a time very recently, and looking back I think this was a symptom of the negativity I was living under, when I would do something for someone; where I would capitulate to something; where I would agree perhaps with something I didn't really want in order to avoid conflict, where in the back of my mind I would be sitting there in the self same breath thinking but what about me? Was it selfishness? No I don't believe it was. I do believe, however, that it was a heads up from my innermost self reminding me that I was not living in balance, because I was being so negative, all the joys of being able to do and to give to others was not reaching to my heart, as it used to, (and has begun to again), in order to provide the balance my soul and psyche needs. Having been recognised, having had the block of negativity removed by positive thought and daily affirmations of positivity, the little voice has once more gone away, content that my needs, my balance is being restored, little by little - one step at a time.