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There's a Story About a Little Sparrow...
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:07 amFrom The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
When I focus on the rake of experience and how its fingers dug into me and the many feet that have walked over me, there is no end to the life of my pain. But when I focus on the soil of heart and how it has been turned over, there is no end to the mix of feelings that defy my want to name them.
Isn't that the point though? That as humans we are truly a mix of all of our experiences that have guided our lives, helped us to grow, even if we didn't realise it at the time? When I try to think of all of the things that have happened in my life, all of the things that have shaped me, the list of things… becomes all muddled in my head, the bad with the good, that hard with the easy.
Oh sure, I can remember situations, could probably write about them, talk about them, but… do I feel them any more – can I… or has that emotion melded into me, become a part of me – a part of the 'fertilizer' that has helped my heart and soul to grow?
The thing that underlines that probability for me more than any other is a long car ride, back from Cornwall to the Midlands… at the time I was beside myself… my friends actually had to stop the car because I was so upset that they thought I was making myself ill. I probably was, I don't recall the extent of it now – not in any emotional way anyway… and that's the point. I remember the event, I remember the emotion, and I remember the way I changed and grew from all of that. I can recall with some clarity the event the times and everything… but the emotion and the pain… though I know I felt it, though can recall it – I no longer relive it. Not that I have any desire to, but… my point is this is the kind of thing that a lot of people would normally carry around with them, and I'm not.
One of those, 'that which does not kill me makes me stronger' kind of moments I guess, (and if this doesn't all make sense, I apologise. I was distracted.)
Too many prints in the same place,
because the heart's a narrow path
and our arms its only gate.
--Thich Nhat Hanh
When I focus on the rake of experience and how its fingers dug into me and the many feet that have walked over me, there is no end to the life of my pain. But when I focus on the soil of heart and how it has been turned over, there is no end to the mix of feelings that defy my want to name them.
Isn't that the point though? That as humans we are truly a mix of all of our experiences that have guided our lives, helped us to grow, even if we didn't realise it at the time? When I try to think of all of the things that have happened in my life, all of the things that have shaped me, the list of things… becomes all muddled in my head, the bad with the good, that hard with the easy.
Oh sure, I can remember situations, could probably write about them, talk about them, but… do I feel them any more – can I… or has that emotion melded into me, become a part of me – a part of the 'fertilizer' that has helped my heart and soul to grow?
The thing that underlines that probability for me more than any other is a long car ride, back from Cornwall to the Midlands… at the time I was beside myself… my friends actually had to stop the car because I was so upset that they thought I was making myself ill. I probably was, I don't recall the extent of it now – not in any emotional way anyway… and that's the point. I remember the event, I remember the emotion, and I remember the way I changed and grew from all of that. I can recall with some clarity the event the times and everything… but the emotion and the pain… though I know I felt it, though can recall it – I no longer relive it. Not that I have any desire to, but… my point is this is the kind of thing that a lot of people would normally carry around with them, and I'm not.
One of those, 'that which does not kill me makes me stronger' kind of moments I guess, (and if this doesn't all make sense, I apologise. I was distracted.)
