cedar_grove (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cedar_grove) wrote2011-04-23 06:33 pm
cedar_grove) wrote2011-04-23 06:33 pm
Seeing Behind
From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
Time and again, we are asked to outlast what we want and hope for, in order to see what’s there. It is enough.
(from 22nd April)
I had a moment of frustration. Actually I had several moments of frustration, thanks to a little girl that kept insisting on licking at her tummy where she had her stitches, that she needed to leave alone, or trying to chew on her armpit where the other stitches were, but this wasn't the moment of frustration which led me to voice it... in pique. To answer pique with pique as a matter of fact - not that I'm proud of that at all, just that I admit to it. I love the rats, and I do spoil them a little bit from time to time, but I don't spoil them a lot... I'll do anything for them, I don't want to see them hurting or unhappy. What kind of ratty mommy would I be if I did?
Samantha had her surgery today, to remove her mammary mass, and also to be spayed to prevent its recurrence... and so after a morning of worry, we were relieved when the vet called to say that everything had gone well and we could come and pick her up in the afternoon. When we got her home at first she was fine, probably still to sore and sleepy to be bothered with messing with her stitches, but as the evening wore on, she began to take more of an 'interest' in the stitches... and while she didn't manage to pull them out or open herself up again, she did make herself bleed a little bit, through licking.
So Mir and I were taking it in turns to keep an eye on her while the other either rested or did whatever they wanted. Fine in theory until your patience wears a little. Now, I'm not a cruel person, and I love the little ratties as much as anyone in this family. I'm saying that right from the offset... but I also know my own limitations. I can't kneel up beside the couch to keep her sisters and cousins able to be with her and still keep her safe from herself and from them, but I also feel guilty for taking her away from them, to a place where I can better watch her. So yes, I got a little bit frustrated when I was told that it was obvious I didn't want to look out for her and care for her, because nothing could be further from the truth. Had I wanted to spend the evening constantly intervening and moving Samantha's mouth away from her stitches? No, not really, but did I mind? No of course not. I love my little Samantha Despereauna, and want her to heal quickly.Tired and uncomfortable, I snapped - for which I apologise. I think we were both tired and frustrated, and of course worried about her, which didn't help... but the truth is that she needed us to look out for her, and we were there for her. So that's what we did, each in our own way. That's enough.
I did, in the end, move her away from her sisters and cousins... I wish I didn't have to, but they (especially her mother) had started trying to groom around the surgery site. Keeping her distracted with food seemed to work okay, and then, thankfully, she got to be sleepy. She has the annoying habit of sleeping curled up though, and that makes it look like she's licking when she's not. Once I figured that out, it was a lot easier.
We took her into the bedroom with us when we went to bed, and she seemed to settle down okay. Mir did check on her a few times in the night, but it seems that she's just fine this morning, and still stitched up... so that's good. We might be past the worst of it.
If you can’t see what you’re looking for,
See what’s there.
Time and again, we are asked to outlast what we want and hope for, in order to see what’s there. It is enough.
(from 22nd April)
I had a moment of frustration. Actually I had several moments of frustration, thanks to a little girl that kept insisting on licking at her tummy where she had her stitches, that she needed to leave alone, or trying to chew on her armpit where the other stitches were, but this wasn't the moment of frustration which led me to voice it... in pique. To answer pique with pique as a matter of fact - not that I'm proud of that at all, just that I admit to it. I love the rats, and I do spoil them a little bit from time to time, but I don't spoil them a lot... I'll do anything for them, I don't want to see them hurting or unhappy. What kind of ratty mommy would I be if I did?
Samantha had her surgery today, to remove her mammary mass, and also to be spayed to prevent its recurrence... and so after a morning of worry, we were relieved when the vet called to say that everything had gone well and we could come and pick her up in the afternoon. When we got her home at first she was fine, probably still to sore and sleepy to be bothered with messing with her stitches, but as the evening wore on, she began to take more of an 'interest' in the stitches... and while she didn't manage to pull them out or open herself up again, she did make herself bleed a little bit, through licking.
So Mir and I were taking it in turns to keep an eye on her while the other either rested or did whatever they wanted. Fine in theory until your patience wears a little. Now, I'm not a cruel person, and I love the little ratties as much as anyone in this family. I'm saying that right from the offset... but I also know my own limitations. I can't kneel up beside the couch to keep her sisters and cousins able to be with her and still keep her safe from herself and from them, but I also feel guilty for taking her away from them, to a place where I can better watch her. So yes, I got a little bit frustrated when I was told that it was obvious I didn't want to look out for her and care for her, because nothing could be further from the truth. Had I wanted to spend the evening constantly intervening and moving Samantha's mouth away from her stitches? No, not really, but did I mind? No of course not. I love my little Samantha Despereauna, and want her to heal quickly.Tired and uncomfortable, I snapped - for which I apologise. I think we were both tired and frustrated, and of course worried about her, which didn't help... but the truth is that she needed us to look out for her, and we were there for her. So that's what we did, each in our own way. That's enough.
I did, in the end, move her away from her sisters and cousins... I wish I didn't have to, but they (especially her mother) had started trying to groom around the surgery site. Keeping her distracted with food seemed to work okay, and then, thankfully, she got to be sleepy. She has the annoying habit of sleeping curled up though, and that makes it look like she's licking when she's not. Once I figured that out, it was a lot easier.
We took her into the bedroom with us when we went to bed, and she seemed to settle down okay. Mir did check on her a few times in the night, but it seems that she's just fine this morning, and still stitched up... so that's good. We might be past the worst of it.